Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Da Battle of Da Lost Toof (Part 1)

So, a Warhammer 8th edition battle report. How is such a thing even possible, you ask? Surely all of the required materials have been destroyed in the great apocalypse preceding the Age of Sigmar. Apparently not. We're still here, and we still have everything we need to play. Apart from our previously firm grasp of what we're doing, that is...

Tim and I decided to take some photos of the game as we went, so although I'm not going to go to the trouble of making maps to track the game, I figured I might as well present what happened as a report.

Neither of us had played a game of Warhammer in many months, and making the lists was a bit of a haphazard affair. I'm half convinced we should have just made the game larger so we didn't have to actually make decisions about what to put in our lists... Maybe next time.

Wood Elves - 3000 points

  • Follarion the Fabulous - Glade Lord on Forest Dragon with Ogre Blade, Armour of Fortune, Shield, Starfire Shafts
  • Lorielle the Wild - Spellsinger (Level 2, Lore of High Magic) on Unicorn with Talisman of Endurance
  • Urian the Un-original - Glade Captain (BSB) with Hail of Doom Arrow, Gambler's Armour, Great Weapon, Starfire Shafts
  • Astarielle the Afterthought - Spellsinger (Level 2, Lore of Dark Magic) with Opal Amulet
  • Fran - Branchwraith
  • 10 Glade Guard with Standard, Musician, Swiftshiver Shards
  • 10 Glade Guard with Standard, Musician, Swiftshiver Shards
  • 23 Dryads with Branch Nymph
  • 39 Eternal Guard with Command, Standard of Discipline
  • 6 Tree Kin
  • 3 Warhawk Riders with Wind Rider
  • 6 Wild Riders with Shields
  • Darthur the Treeman
This was my army. The first time I've used Wood Elves under the 8th edition book. Kinda sad, hey? I pointedly ignored Trueflight Arrows because they're stupid. That was about the sum total of the coherent thought that went into the making of this list. Oh, and I wanted to use the Unicorn. So yeah, that's apparently how you make a 3000 point list. The rest is random decisions. I need to paint/update some of my other stuff so I can use more interesting things like Wardancers and Wildwood Rangers. Next time.

Orcs and Goblins - 3000 points

  • Moregut Browbeater - Black Orc Warboss with Basha's Axe, Talisman of Preservation, Enchanted Shield
  • Slygit Raggamuffin - Night Goblin Great Shaman (Level 4) with the Trickster's Shard
  • Brorep the Muscular - Black Orc Big Boss with Battle Standard, Armour of Silvered Steel
  • Nobrakes Nogginmasher - Savage Orc Big Boss on Boar with Gambler's Armour, Great Weapon
  • 50 Night Goblins with Shields, Full Command, 3 Fanatics
  • 49 Night Goblins with Shields, Full Command, 3 Fanatics
  • 26 Savage Orcs with Full Command
  • 10 Boar Boyz with Shields, Spears, Full Command
  • 9 Savage Orc Boar Boyz with Spears, Shields, Full Command
  • 24 Black Orcs with Full Command, Gleaming Pendant
  • Mangler Squig
  • Mangler Squig
  • Arachnarok
  • Arachnarok
This was the list Tim came up with, using my Orcs and Goblins. I can't believe he didn't field a Wyvern (or more than one). Honestly I thought he would - that was why I used a Dragon. Oh well, at least he managed to jam some other cool stuff in there.


The two armies line up, with faster elements on the flanks in a pretty standard fashion. Tim held the Manglers until late, making it harder for me to respond.
Along the table.
The Wood Elf general, skulking on the flank.
The Black Orc Warboss and BSB sitting in the front of their Black Orc entourage.
My Maiden Guard, doing duty as Eternal Guard (as they have done many times in the past). My BSB and the Spellsinger on foot are both in that unit.
The Mangler on my left flank (this one) was a concern - I didn't really have the ranged attacks set up to deal with it.
This one on the other flank was more in the open, and closer to my archers. Much better, though it had some fast friends.
I finished deploying first, so I had the +1 on the roll-off for first turn. Naturally I rolled a 1 and lost the roll-off anyway. Obviously Tim took the first turn. Nice to know I've still got the skills...

Turn 1

Moregut Browbeater, feared Black Orc Warboss of the Eastern Badlands and general badass, glanced up and down the line to ensure everyone was more or less in position. With a satisfied grunt, he gave the signal to advance with a belligerent gesture in the direction of the enemy. He barely glanced at the force arrayed across the field from him. He knew they were some sort of prancy Elves, and that was all he needed to know. Right now he was busy glaring at his own warriors, making sure they followed orders and didn't get distracted and start a fight. The Goblins and Savage Orcs nearby were behaving themselves, which was to be expected. He'd made enough examples of previous offenders for them to know that it was a mistake to act up when Da Boss was watching. 

On the other end of the line however, the Boar Boyz decided that they were safely out of Moregut's sight, and set about clubbing each other over the head when they should have been riding forward with their allies. Nobody knew what the argument was about - especially those who were busy hitting each other.
The Orcs roll forward. with the exception of the Boar Boyz, who fail animosity and squabble.
The Mangler Squig on my right surged forward 13", which was worryingly quick...
The rest of the line advanced in good order, maintaining a solid battle line.
Tim threw a boosted Vindictive Glare at the Glade Guard in the forest, but I managed to dispel that. I then had to let Gork'll Fix It be cast on the same unit, and watched helplessly as he threw a fistful of dice at boosted Curse of Da Bad Moon. Thankfully that one failed, as the Shaman half-choked on a bad mushroom...
The Elves on the other side of the field began to move, shuffling about in a cowardly fashion rather than engaging in a good honest fight. Moregut sniffed disdainfully at their weakness. Hoots of alarm from the Night Goblins next to him drew his attention, and he watched in disbelief as they unleashed their precious Fanatics upon what appeared to be a tree in the centre of the field. Moregut fought the urge to face-palm. The little idiots had just squandered their greatest weapon upon a tree. With the Fanatics no longer under their control, the Night Goblins would be next to useless. It was so hard to find good help.
Darthur the Treeman steps forward and forces the Night Goblins to release their Fanatics. Tim proceeded to roll a pair of 5s, before the last Fanatic actually made it to the target and inflicted a wound.
The relative speed of the Arachnarok and the menace of the Mangler Squig made advancing properly on the left flank difficult. At least the Fanatics had been triggered.
On the other flank, the Mangler Squig was bounding forward at a pace that clearly alarmed the Elves. Their cavalry backed up nervously, whilst the air filled with arrows targeted at the toothy monstrosity whirling towards them. The Squig shrugged off the first volleys, but eventually several shots struck true and it howled and staggered to a halt before finally collapsing.
The Wild Riders back off, partly to get away from the Mangler Squig, but mainly to ensure the Boar Boys didn't get ideas.
The combined fire from the Glade Guard and the BSB's Hail of Doom Arrow are enough to bring down the Mangler Squig. I rolled pitifully in the magic phase and failed to get a spell off.

Turn 2

The pesky Elf bowmen had done little damage, and already the battle lines were closing. Moregut gripped the haft of his enchanted axe in anticipation, but his excitement was dimmed somewhat when shrieks of reckless enthusiasm and disagreement arose from the Night Goblins right next to him. The regiment began to surge forward, only to judder to a halt as the fools fell over each other in a grand display of ineptitude. Moregut glared at them and made a mental note to tear a few of their number apart after the battle as a reminder of the perils of ill discipline.

His mood was not improved as he watched the Night Goblin Fanatics careening around the trees. Two of them promptly wrapped their chains around their own necks and collapsed, whilst the third twirled about madly before lurching wildly into the trees and disappearing in a cloud of leaves and broken branches.
The Night Goblins failed animosity, so were forced to declare a charge on the Treeman, who was only 8" away and clearly not what they wanted to be fighting... Tim very cleverly rolled a double 1 for the charge distance, thereby solving his problem immediately...
The Savage Orc Boar Boys decided that the Elf archers were within their reach and urged their mounts forward, but the boars had other ideas and refused to move more than a few paces as a hail of arrows descended upon them and one of the Orcs tumbled to the ground.
The Savage Orc Boar Boys did try to charge, but their roll was pathetic.
Doing an admirable job of ignoring the chaos of his unit around him, Slygit the Night Goblin Shaman gathered his magical powers and unleashed upon the enemy. Gork'll Fix It was cast again, Vindictive Glare consumed all but a couple of the enemy archers in the forest, and then to cap it all off, he conjured a whirling magical vortex that he then hurled through the advancing Dryads, culling their back rank. Moregut was almost impressed. If it had been anything other than a Goblin producing such results, he might actually have been willing to be impressed. As it was, he scowled slightly less at Slygit than he did at the rest of the little robed cretins. It was an acknowledgement of sorts.
Man, that was a lot of magic from a single little shaman. Tim's second big magic phase in a row, and this time he punished me for letting the first spell through by stealing one of my dispel dice using the Little Waaaagh lore attribute, Sneaky Stealin'. This left me well short when I tried to fend off the nastier stuff later. I was a little helpless.
The Mangler Squig on my left kept coming, although it did manage to hurt itself on the wall a little. I still had no real way to deal with it on that flank.
The rest of the Orc and Goblin line continued their advance. Moregut grunted in only mild dissatisfaction. The Elves would soon have to put aside their annoying bows and fight properly. 
The Fanatics in this Night Goblin unit were yet to be triggered. That was not going to be fun. I couldn't possibly be lucky enough to suffer only a single wound from this batch...
If the Elves were upset about the enemy closing with them, they didn't show it. A bestial roar echoed across the battlefield as the tree in the centre of the field seemed to lurch toward the squabbling Night Goblins. Their petty arguments were soon replaced by shrieks of alarm as it bore down upon them, and soon their formation fell apart as they shrunk from their foe and then turned to run. Even in retreat they were a disappointment, however; the charging tree (if such a thing were possible) crashed into the stragglers of the unit and the howling Goblins scattered to the four winds in a desperate effort to escape. 

Moregut did his best to ignore their pitiful screams and pointedly did not look at the pieces of dismembered Goblin that rained down on the field around them. Whatever impossibly horrible thing had just happened to his followers, they were after all only Goblins.
Tim brought this on his own troops by electing to flee and then rolling a 4. It was not enough. The Treeman caught and wiped out the unit before turning to face the rear of the Black Orcs. Well, that was the end of the Shaman.
With shrieks of anticipation, the second regiment of Night Goblins released their Fanatics as the large regiment of Elves with spears charged toward them. Two of the Fanatics spun out into the path of the charging enemy, whilst the other careened off to the side to try to intercept the Elf cavalry, who were also on the charge.

Seemingly uncaring of the danger posed by the whirling Fanatics, the Elves charged straight into and through them. The wisdom of this course of action was questionable, and the air was filled with screams, blood, and shattered spears as the heavy balls of the Fanatics crashed home. To their credit, the surviving Elves held their nerve and continued their advance into the waiting ranks of Night Goblins. 
Both Fanatics fell short of my unit, which meant I copped double the damage when I ended up charging through them. 14 dead Eternal Guard. That is just... not very nice. :(
What good are 2 Glade Guard? Well, they just might be the speed hump I need... Sucks to be them, though.
At a loss for how to get properly involved and avoid the Mangler Squig at the same time, the Warhawks flew up beside the Arachnarok to threaten flanks whilst the Treekin moved to receive the inevitable charge.
The Wild Riders narrowly avoid hitting a Fanatic of their own (Tim rolled a 5 when he needed a 6 or something. It was pretty ordinary luck). Instead they hit the Savage Orc Boar Boys at full strength.
The Elf cavalry crashed into the Savage Orc Boar Boys with an unnatural fury that was horrifying to behold. Orcs and boars were speared with terrifying force, and in the blink of an eye the only one remaining upright was their leader, Nobrakes Nogginmasher. His massive two-handed axe whirled through the air, but then the air itself seemed to bend as the blow somehow failed to unhorse half of the Elves the way it had been poised to. Only a single rider fell to the strike, and the Savage Orc Big Boss was ridden down as the unstoppable momentum of the Wild Riders carried them on into the waiting Orc Boar Boys.
Yeah, that was harsh. The Savage Orcs were absolutely murdered. Then to add insult to injury, the Savage Orc hero did 3 wounds in return, and I passed 2 of the 6+ ward saves. Conveniently that one casualty off the right end of the unit meant that my pursuit carried me directly toward the Boar Boys.
Having seen what already happened to the Savage Orcs, hands up who thinks this (somewhat depleted) unit will fare better?
Seeing the Elves with spears charge heedlessly through their Fanatics unnerved the Night Goblins and they cowered as their enemies bore down upon them. The Elves tore into their little green opponents, but there were a lot more Goblins than there were Elves, and for now that (coupled with bellowed threats from Moregut nearby) was enough to keep their formation in place.
The Night Goblins killed 1 Elf. The Eternal Guard killed 9 Goblins. Pretty much a fair trade, right? At least there was help close at hand for the poor little guys.
The right flank was looking pretty solid, really.
Apart from the efforts of the Treeman, the left flank was not looking half so promising...
That's it for part 1 of this report. You can find the conclusion here.


  1. And 8th edition too! win-win!!

  2. Woot! Happy days. Very amusing report.

  3. Hurray for 8th edition! Love it! Please keep posting battle reports :)