Saturday, 16 November 2019

The Gob-off: Interlude

While I busily try to get stuff painted and we work out when the next game in our Goblin campaign (you can find part 1 here) will take place...

Skuzzbutt stalked back and forth in the living room of the broken down building that served as his headquarters. Around him sat his lieutenants, perched on whatever broken furniture they could find. The shaman Ballitch squatted in the corner, gibbering to himself as he often did. Skuzzbutt tried to ignore him and focus on the problem at hand.

"Da problem is da squigs," he told the room yet again. "Dey is dead chompy."

The assembled goblins obligingly muttered their agreement again. Razzie, who was wrapped almost head to toe in dirty rags that served as makeshift bandages, shifted uncomfortably at the memory of just how chompy the squigs had been.

"Wot iz we gonna do?" wailed Idjit, not for the first time. An odd, rather pathetic little goblin, Idjit was not the most clever of the assembled group. Nor was he much of a fighter. But he seemed to be uncommonly lucky, and had by sheer longevity managed to make it into Skuzzbutt's inner council. Not that he added much, now that he was there.

"We needz spears. Long pointy ones!" proclaimed Skuzzbutt. "We need to be able to stick dem squigs before dey get close enough to give us da chomp!"

There was some murmuring of agreement at the obvious wisdom of this plan, and Skuzzbutt was filled with pride at his own cleverness. His military genius was unmatched, and their victory would be assured...

This glorious train of thought was derailed by Idjit, who had a slightly perplexed expression. "Errr, boss..."

Skuzzbutt rounded on him, annoyed at the interruption. "Wot, Idjit?" The already small goblin seemed to sink even further down on his broken stool under the weight of his boss' displeasure. He spoke hesitantly.

"Dem spears, boss. I don't fink it will work."

"Why not? Iz simple fizziks. We reach dem before dey reach us," snapped Skuzzbutt. He shouldn't have been surprised that Idjit would be the one that failed to grasp his plan, but it was nevertheless frustrating. He was always annoying.

"Well yer, boss. Nah boss. Da problem is inishutive, boss," the little goblin whined. "Dey chomp before we can stabs dem."

Skuzzbutt stared at him for a moment. What was he gibbering about? It was obvious he didn't understand the simple plan. The reach of a spear far exceeded the bite of a squig. He glanced about the room, and could see that nobody else had a clue what Idjit was on about either. Ballitch hiccupped, and toppled over in his little corner. Idjit continued to look concerned, but flinched as though he was about to be struck every time Skuzzbutt glared his way. The impudent little runt. There was no point explaining it to him again.

"Shaddup Idjit," he snapped. "I want youz all to go make some long pointy spears so da ladz can practice. Now!"

*****

"Squigs," muttered Mush as he and his brother staggered back toward the camp. "We needz more squigs!"

"Yer," nodded Room agreeably as he limped alongside, using his shattered banner pole as a walking stick. "But where do we find more squigs? Most of 'em got stabbed by dem uvver gobbos."

"Dat's easy," snorted Mush. "We steal 'em from da Weird Toof tribe. Dey gotz heaps of 'em"

"Yer," agreed Room again. "But... dey live deep unnerground innit? How we gonna get 'em?"

Mush looked at him like he was an idiot. "We attack 'em in da cave where dey live, dummy."

Room looked uneasy. "But... itz real dark down der," he whined. "An itz full o squigs!"

Mush turned and whacked his brother over the ear, making him cower and take a couple of steps away to safety. "Dark!" shouted Mush incredulously. "What sort of night goblin iz you? Dark is home!" He gestured around at the surrounding trees, their shadows lengthening as the sun's last light crept away. "Out here under dat 'uge sky! Dis is da scary place!"

Room glanced around, sniffing. "I kinda like it out here," he muttered defensively. 

Mush stared at him for a moment, blinked hard as though he was seeing his brother for the first time, then turned and stormed off on the path toward camp. "Lez go get dem squigs!"


You can find the next part of the campaign here...

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