Thursday, 30 June 2011

The Battle of Champignon

A 2500pt 8th Edition Warhammer Fantasy Battle Report between Bretonnians and Warriors of Chaos.

Scenario: Blood and Glory
Bretonnians: Drew McLean
Warriors of Chaos: Nick Hoen
Scribe: Owen Top
Rubbish photographer and random narrator: Greg Johnson

A few notes before we begin. I had originally intended to write this battle report up in the same way as the last one (Battle of the Eerie Hills), however a couple of considerations changed my mind. The first was that this game did not turn out as close as one might have hoped for a battle report, which makes it harder to put in all the effort required. More importantly though, our noble scribe for the game, Owen, decided to infect his notes with his usual oddball humour. It seemed a shame to waste it, so I've decided to give it to you (more or less) as he wrote it. The notes vary in detail, so I shall make clarifications in red where required.

We were organised this time, and Owen even brought along a better camera so that we could take some decent photos. Unfortunately the photographer was me, and shortly into the game the camera decided to pack it in anyway (I maintain it was not my fault. Owen blamed his dad, but I failed to follow his logic). So most of the photos came from my phone, as per the last game. Sorry, folks.


Alone in the centre of his massive four-poster bed, the Lord le Lache tossed and turned in his sleep. He had gone to bed early, complaining of an upset stomach and muttering threats regarding the fate of the castle cook. His small army of personal retainers huddled at the far corner of the room as he thrashed and grumbled. Le Lache was not an understanding and patient man at the best of times. It was likely he would be in a foul mood when he properly awoke. It seemed apparent his current dream was not entirely to his liking…

The Lord le Lache, ruler of the Chateau Jaunes and the surrounding lands, sat astride his charger, clad in his best battle garb. Around him were arrayed the whole of his army – every knight he could call loyal to him. There were even a number of peasants with them, although they were armed with a distasteful array of weapons such as longbows. Honourless blighters, the lot of them. But then, what could one expect from lesser men such as these. In any case, his was an impressive force to behold.

Before them stood the town of Champignon. Or rather, he assumed it was Champignon, but it was certainly not how he remembered the town. Everything seemed to be made of… Mushrooms. Every house and even the trees all around seemed to consist not of stone and wood, but a riot of different kinds of gigantic mushroom.

Something was very wrong here. Perhaps he was not well. His stomach seemed to be roiling. Shifting in his saddle, le Lache squeezed out a discreet fart. Well, it was intended to be discreet. In fact it came out more like a bugle. He was sure everyone within 50 paces heard it, however there was no laughter. Most chose to ignore the sound, although one or two of his greatest sycophants, including his personal banner bearer, Sir Lacquit, mumbled encouragement such as, “Very good, milord”. There were benefits to being Lord, after all.

Relieving himself had helped his stomach a little, however he still felt less than great. Maybe it was those mushrooms the new cook had served up last night (was it last night? Where had the morning gone? How had he gotten here?). Mushrooms had never sat well with him, and the wheedling chef had convinced him to try this new dish regardless. Now he was embarrassing himself in front of his men, he felt unwell, and everywhere he looked, all he could see was mushrooms! He was going to have words with this chef...

His contemplation of what he would do to the chef once he returned to the castle was rudely interrupted by Sir Lacquit. “My lord, the emissary of the enemy approaches.” Of course. Le Lache shook himself and blinked rapidly to try to clear his thoughts and wake himself up. They were here to fight. There would be enemies. He looked down the hill and saw a dark-armoured warrior of chaos stomping slowly up the hill to meet them. At the base of the hill, he had left behind his steed – a monstrous beast that appeared to be made entirely of metal. Like some sort of misbegotten cow, only 10 times the size, with eyes that glowed like coals. In fact, the entire thing seemed to be steaming or smoking slightly in the afternoon sun.

The warrior carried a foul banner, which seemed to be depicting a maiden being ravaged by an unspeakable daemonic abomination. The thing was an affront to the Lady, and he had to force himself not to draw his sword and deal with the miscreant then and there. He heard one of the Damsels waiting behind him gasp as she made out the image.

The warrior stopped 10 paces away from le Lache, however he offered no bow, nor any display of civility. In a voice that echoed from inside his enclosed faceplate, deep and powerful, he intoned, “The Magister Mycelium bids you leave our town at once, lest you be visited with the same pleasurable torments that have already been afflicted upon those that once lived here.”

Le Lache bristled at this, “Your town? Champignon is under my protection, and I shall have your head for such insolence.” Wait, he thought. Mycelium? Wasn’t that something to do with mushrooms..?

“No longer,” intoned the warrior, showing not the least concern at le Lache’s challenging tone. “Champignon is ours, and should you wish to wrest it from us, we will meet you in the field of battle. The Beast of Champignon hungers for fresh meat.”

Le Lache’s heart skipped a beat at this. The Beast of Champignon. That was why he was here! The fabled Beast had been terrorising the town for generations, however nobody had ever managed to bring it to battle. Here was his chance. How he had longed for a chance to fight the Beast – he, who was one of the greatest hunters in Bretonnia. The wall of his hall was decorated with the heads of Griffons, Manticores, and other fabulous beasts. But the head of the mighty Shaggoth would have a special place of honour…

“The Beast shall meet the same fate as the rest of you,” le Lache pronounced with an air of finality. “And what is your name warrior, that I may know what to record in my Tome of Conquest when I have bested you and your foul companions?”

The warrior had already begun to turn back down the hill when he heard le Lache’s tone, however he paused at this and looked back. “I am the Deathcapitator, and I shall be your doom, mortal.” His eyes seemed to glow suddenly, not unlike his daemonic steed’s. Then he resumed his slow walk down the hill, unconcerned with the dozens of pairs of eyes glaring at his retreating back.

Deathcap, thought le Lache. What manner of circus was this? This was some sort of trick being played on his mind by that damned chef and his mushrooms. “Maybe he is in league with them,” he muttered to himself.

“My lord?” queried Sir Lacquit.

“Remind me to have words with our new chef when we return to Chateau Jaunes, Sir Lacquit. He had better have a good explanation for all this.” He shifted again in the saddle, releasing some more pent up wind as his stomach groaned. This time he managed to be a bit quieter about it. That chef was going to regret ever hearing the word “mushroom”…

The Legion of Le Lache
The Bretonnian army poses for a group photo
Since 8th edition started, many people have been discussing the limitations of cavalry in the game. Most people seem to have settled with cavalry no longer being the core of an army, but still vital support units. About two months into 8th ed, I was a bit bored with my current army, and I hadn't taken my Bretonnians out in some time, so I decided to give them a spin.

My starting point was the Virtue of Heroism. It is rarely a good idea to base an army around a magic item/character ability, but since 8th ed had made this virtue worthwhile (allowing it to be combined with magic weapons, and now providing killing blow to all targets) I wanted to take it! I tooled my lord up with a 1+ re-rollable save (Gromril Great-Helm), an extra attack (Sword of Battle) and a 2+ ward against flaming attacks (Dragonbane Gem- it is only 5 pts!). He came with his own 6+/5+ ward save, which as a Bretonnian I am arrogantly allowed to assume will be more than adequate.

My Battle Standard Bearer decided to exercise his new-found right to hold a shield (as long as it was Enchanted) and I also gave him the Virtue of Duty, to add more hitting to my planned big unit.

I wanted to play with a cavalry-cored army, and the lance formation would allow me to take advantage of the steadfast rules with only three models per rank. With this in mind, I took 15 Knights of the Realm with full command and the Banner of Eternal Flame (flaming attacks). My two fighting characters would join them, along with my two casters.

I next looked to some magic. I was able to take a level four Prophetess, so I did. She would be using The Lore of Life, for obvious reasons (see The Review of Lore of Life). She was carrying a dispel scroll, and the Ruby Goblet. This is an item I believe has become much more potent in 8th ed, with so many more strength five attacks around these days. It would render my knights a little bit more resilient than they would otherwise be.

My next choice was a level two Damsel, also with the Lore of Life (partially just so I could get the spells I wanted on the Prophetess). She would come with the Mane of the Pure breed (horses always do all the damage- this will help them) for laughs, and the Chalice of Malfleur to boost my magic defence. This rounded out my core unit; 15 knights with four characters to juice them up. It turned out I had some other points to spend, so my army wasn't done yet.

I took two units of Mounted Yeomen, with musicians (for rallying) and standards (in case we played Blood and Glory). These guys would play the obvious role of Getting in the Way of Enemies

I added two units of six Knights of the Realm with musicians- these could be used to take care of enemy re-directors. They hit pretty hard for their size and cost.

I included a unit of 19 archers, but in hindsight there was very little for them to target in this game. Full command and braziers for them.

I took six Pegasus Knights with full command. These guys are extremely mobile, and now they get a vanguard move and stomp attacks. 

Finally, I rounded the army out with a unit of 5 Grail Knights. These were pretty much the only models I had left, but should be able to overpower anything of similar size that night could throw at them.

The plan was to try and peel away the chaff that Nick may try to send at me with all of my small units, then hit the hardest unit I could find with my tooled-up bus and drive through. Not a subtle plan, but subtle is not something Bretonnians do well. For spells, I rolled Shield of Thorns and Regrowth for my Damsel. My Prophetess then took Throne of Vines, Flesh to Stone, Awakening of the Wood and The Dwellers Below.  

I deployed a unit of Yeomen and Knights of the Realm on each flank. The Pegasus Knights went on the left flank, and everything else was deployed centrally or toward the right. All of my fast cavalry used their Vanguard moves.
  • Lords
  • LL Bretonnian Lord, Lord le Lache
    General; Heavy Armour; Shield; Knightly Vow Sword of Battle [25.0] Gromril Great Helm [30.0] Virtue of Heroism (1st) [40.0] Dragonbane Gem [5.0] Warhorse; Barding
    234 points
  • LC Prophetess of the Lady, Lady Catastrophique
    Magic Level 4; Lore of Life; Barding The Ruby Goblet [30.0] Dispel Scroll [25.0] Warhorse
    301 points
  • Heroes
  • SL Paladin, Sir Lacquit
    Heavy Armour; Battle Standard Bearer; Knightly Vow Virtue of Duty [30.0] Warrior Bane [5.0] Enchanted Shield [10.0] Warhorse; Barding
    119 points
  • DdS Damsel of the Lady, The Damsel d'Sposable
    Magic Level 2; Lore of Life; Barding Mane of the Purebreed [25.0] Chalice of Malfleur [20.0] Warhorse
    164 points
  • Core
  • KR1 15 Knights of the Realm, Knights of the Realm 1
    Lance; Heavy Armour; Shield; Standard; Musician; Gallant; Barding; Knightly Vow Banner of the Eternal Flame [10.0]
    394 points
  • KR2 6 Knights of the Realm, Knights of the Realm 2
    Lance; Heavy Armour; Shield; Musician; Gallant; Barding; Knightly Vow
    152 points
  • KR3 6 Knights of the Realm, Knights of the Realm 3
    Lance; Heavy Armour; Shield; Musician; Gallant; Barding; Knightly Vow
    152 points
  • PB 19 Peasant Bowmen, Peasant Bowmen
    Longbow; Standard; Musician; Villein; Braizers
    139 points
  • Special
  • PK 6 Pegasus Knights, Pegasus Knights
    Lance; Heavy Armour; Shield; Standard; Musician; Gallant; Knightly Vow
    360 points
  • MY1 5 Mounted Yeomen, Mounted Yeomen 1
    Spear; Bow; Standard; Musician; Fast Cavalry
    96 points
  • MY2 5 Mounted Yeomen, Mounted Yeomen 2
    Spear; Bow; Standard; Musician; Fast Cavalry
    96 points
  • Rare
  • GK 5 Grail Knights, Grail Knights
    Lance; Heavy Armour; Shield; Standard; Musician; Barding; Grail Vow Banner of Swiftness [15.0]
    235 points
  • Total: 2442 points
Yes, he is under points. And no, it was not intentional. Drew suffers from that terrible affliction that affects all maths teachers - he can't count -Greg

The Nightmare of Champignon
The Warriors of Chaos try to look menacing for the camera. It's hard to look scary in pink.
The list I am using for this game is based off my standard tournament style army list for warriors of chaos. I’ve had some success with the list and as it includes a lot of units that I like most of my chaos lists tend to look fairly similar. That said for this report I couldn’t use the unit of 7 Chaos Trolls lead by Throgg that normally feature in the list, as in the past I’ve borrowed the models and they didn’t match the rest of the army. The upside of this is that I could include some of my favorite models that I hadn’t had the chance to use since the earlier iterations of the army back when the book was released in 7th edition. My Khorne BSB who goes by the name of Mr Angry made his way back into the list, as did my Shaggoth.

A very consistent feature in my WoC armies is a Sorcerer Lord with the lore of heavens. I’ve been using heavens since 8th edition was released, and have yet to see another player use the lore voluntarily. For me it’s a very versatile lore, it has a couple of hex/augment spells to help swing combats, some high strength damage spells as well as two spells that can help dictate the movement phase. Maybe not the outright most powerful lore around, but it works for me, and I have the third eye of tzeentch on the mage to steal my enemies spells if they have something I like as well. He also carries the infernal puppet and a 4+ ward save for protection,  and the conjoined homunculus to help cast spells.

My only other character is none other than Mr Angry himself. A Khorne BSB on a Juggernaut (no its not pink!) with the Axe of Khorne. He pumps out a bit of damage and really scares enemy characters. I haven’t used him for a long time as I got sick of having to deal with frenzy, but the model is too cool not to use in a battle report.

For core I’ve taken a unit of 21 marauders to bunker my mage in, and 18 chaos warriors with halberds. These guys pack some serious punch and along with the chosen are the mainstay of my army. They’re expensive and slow, so I also have two units of marauder cavalry with flails to try and control the movement phase and make sure I get into combat on my terms.

As mentioned, my special contains a unit of 18 Chosen. These guys have the rapturous standard, halberds and the champion has the favour of the gods. I back these guys up with a Hellcannon and a Warshrine and then for some mobile damage output I added in a Shaggoth and a Chaos Chariot.

The key for the game is using my Shaggoth and Chariot to clean up any small knight units that could threaten my flanks and hold up any larger units with the Warriors and Chosen. Hopefully I’ll be able to hold them up long enough that I can get the Shaggoth or the Hellcannon into the flanks and start winning combats.

  • Lords
  • MM Sorcerer Lord, The Magister Mycelium
    No Mark; General; Lore of Heaven; Magic Level 4; Chaos Armour Infernal Puppet [35.0] Conjoined Homunculus [20.0] Talisman of Preservation [45.0] Third Eye of Tzeentch [25.0]
    395 points
  • Heroes
  • D Exalted Hero, The Deathcapitator
    Mark of Khorne; Frenzy; Chaos Armour; Battle Standard Axe of Khorne [45.0] Juggernaut of Khorne @ [50.0] Pts
    245 points
  • Core
  • CW1 17 Chaos Warriors, Chaos Warriors of Slaanesh
    Mark of Slaanesh; Option Qualifier; Halberd; Chaos Armour; Shield; Standard; Musician; Champion
    329 points
  • MH1 5 Marauder Horsemen, Marauder Horsemen of Slaanesh 1
    Mark of Slaanesh; Flail
    85 points
  • MH2 5 Marauder Horsemen, Marauder Horsemen of Slaanesh 2
    Mark of Slaanesh; Flail; Musician
    91 points
  • CM 21 Chaos Marauders, Chaos Marauders of Slaanesh
    Mark of Slaanesh; Light Armour; Shield; Standard; Musician; Chieftain
    156 points
  • Special
  • C 18 Chosen, Chosen of Slaanesh
    Mark of Slaanesh; Option Qualifier; Halberd; Chaos Armour; Shield; Standard; Musician Rapturous Standard [20.0] Champion Favour of the Gods [5.0]
    445 points
  • CC Chaos Chariot, Chaos Chariot of Slaanesh
    Mark of Slaanesh
    130 points
  • Rare
  • BoC Dragon Ogre Shaggoth, The Beast of Champignon
    Great Weapon; Light Armour
    285 points
  • H Hellcannon, Hellcannon
    205 points
  • CW2 Chaos Warshrine, Chaos Warshrine
    130 points
  • Total: 2496 points

The armies face off
Deployment, including Vanguard moves from a few units
Hell cannon deployed in fungus forest
Chosen: Divine Greatness (ooo daaaahling! How divine!) = Stubborn, 4+ ward
Nick's spells: Chain Lightning, Wind Blast, Ice shard blizzard, Harmonic Convergence.

Drew's LVL2: Regrowth, Shield of Thorns.
Drew's LVL 4: Awakening of the wood, Flesh to stone, Throne of vines, Dwellers below.

Nick's Turn 1
Warriors of Chaos Turn 1
Marauder horse charge Squires: Drew stands and shoots, no hits. Marauders make it comfortably.
General advance from other units.
Marauders in mushroom house.
Greg knocks Drew's knights off the table. No casualties. **Stupid camera strap...

Nick attempts to cast throne of vines and succeeds **Stolen from the Bretonnians using the Third Eye of Tzeentch

At this point, the camera decided to die.
Owen blamed his father.
Hell cannon kills two knights, wounds LVL2 

Marauder Horse broke unit and restrained. They are happy.
The marauder horse demonstrate the finer points of the cavalry charge to the disinterested squires
The Divinely Great Chosen. Pretty sure they chose that title for themselves
The Chaos line advances
Something wicked this way comes
The Hellcannon lurks in the Fungus Forest, whilst a strange yellow creature enters the battlefield
The survivor of the squires decides now is a good time to leave...
 Drew's Turn 1
Bretonnians Turn 1
Knights charge shaggoth
Drew's super 20 knight tray bends in the middle. Shags suggests retractable legs.
Archers swift reform.

Drew declares Worst. Magic Phase. Ever. (double one)
Power dice used to dispel Nick's Throne of Vines
Drew kills two chosen with flaming archers. He neglects to yell 'flame on' upon doing this.

Knights vs. Shaggoth: 1 wound caused. Shaggoth saves vs. horses. Shaggoth: One wound, kills a knight. Shaggoth holds.
The Knights bump gently into the Shaggoth (1 wound doesn't qualify as "crashing", "smashing" or any other violent word ending in "ashing")
The Bretonnians plonk themselves right in front of the main Chaos battle line. What could possibly happen next?
The Knights and Shaggoth bat ineffectually at each other
Nick's Turn 2
Warriors of Chaos Turn 2

No rampage, no stupid. **The Hellcannon was having fun taking lots of tests, thanks to the Fungus Forest and its own lack of restraint.
Chariot charges knights in combat with Shaggy. Chosen charge small knight unit. Marauder horse charge squires on horses. All hold. Marauders make it in. Chariot in. Chosen in.
Marauder cavalry manage to march. They make rude gestures on their way past the grail knights.

Magic: Double ones once more. Throne of Vines is cast once more on men in mushroom.

Chosen are blessed: +1 attack. **This came from the Warshrine
The cannon from hell shoots the flying circus, hitting three. One wound. Panic just avoided.

Chariot: 5 impact hits, 5 wounds, two dead.
Warrior on chariot: 1 wound.
Knights attack Shaggoth: no wounds.
Shaggoth kills the rest. Greg declares 'they're dead Jim'.
Chariot does a bit of a shuffle.
Chosen: Challenge issued, accepted. The Bretonnian goes splat.
Nick rolls more dice than he has sense, three wounds. One killed. Nick is displeased.
One chosen is slain.
Drew loses by 5, and rudely refuses to bugger off.
Nick mutters about reform and decides to go wider.
Drew fails to reform.
Marauder horsemen vs. squires: three wounds.
Two marauder horsemen get killed until they die from it.
Drew refuses to bugger off. Again. Greg declares him to be a rude man,
The Chaos Chariot arrives to demonstrate how one actually kills the enemy instead of patting them on the head
The Chosen stride forth to teach the impudent Knights some manners, whilst the Marauder horsemen flank the Squires...
The second unit of Marauder horsemen float about behind enemy lines, being very cheeky and annoying
Somehow, the Squires manage to not die or run away...
...meaning the flank of the Marauders is now right in front of the Pegasus Knights
Drew's Turn 2
Bretonnians Turn 2
Owen's lunch falls off the table, Owen feigns unconcern.
Grail knights charge the chariot due to the banner of charge McFar
The mighty bus of might charges the chosen, despite their best efforts to roll like crap.
The flying circus decides to introduce itself to the Marauder Horsemen.
The fleeing McSquires continue to Fleeee
Archers swift reform to face marauder horsemen.

Magic is NOT a double one!
FLESH TO STONE! Irrefutably cast on a triple six on the big bus. The damsel goes pop. The unit is showered in damsel bits. They are not particularly amused. The other damsel also dies as a result, resulting in further damsel bits spraying everywhere. Seven knights are hit and three die. The others wipe damsel bits out of their eyes and look grimly over their outrageous moustaches. 
Drew quietly moves to the shooting phase. Archers kill two marauder horsemen. Drew seems slightly mollified Nick seems totally devoid of interest.
Chosen champ does three wounds to BSB, one goes through. No wounds in return. Much shaking of fists and threats about next turn.
Chosen cause eight-eight wound things. All of the little bus go POP.
Wound on Bretonnian general, his moustache deflects it. The champion has a similar experience.
Bretonnians get to fight back: no wounds caused. The horses: also do nothing. They are not pure-bred enough although they are fed on pure bread. Maybe they are celiacs
Nick reforms his chosen, but Drew refuses to flee.
The forest turns out to be a wild wood.
Birdies vs. marauders vs. squires: marauders do nothing. So do squires. One marauder horseman killed by a bird knight, the rest are killed by birdies.
Grail knights vs. chariot: two wounds to chariot. Knight killed by horse. Drew declares them to be stupid fucking horses, however they are not in the fungus forest, nor is it the mating season. Drew is suspected of cheating.
 Chariot is run down by the grail knights.
The Grail Knights arrive to avenge their fallen brethren
Led by their general, their BSB, and ever other character they have ever met, the main lance of Knights charges the Chosen, who are bemused to still be fighting the first group of Knights... they "handle" that particular embarrassment by wiping the first Knight unit out
The Pegasus Knights deal with the unfortunate Marauder horsemen, but find themselves in an undesirable position
The Grail Knights break the Chariot and run it down...
But are unable to reach the flank of the Chosen. Note that the glare off the banner is due to the Blessing of the Lady, and has nothing to do with atrocious use of the camera flash. Really.
Nick's Turn 3
Warriors of Chaos Turn 3
No stupid, Rampage failed.
An argument about facing during which Drew never says 'Your face.' Owen is quietly amazed.
Warshrine charges grail knights. Drew doesn't believe it can. Nick proves it can through the use of his freaking laser beam.
Shaggoth charges archers. Drew stands and shoots.
Warriors with Lord on Daemonic Doggy of Doom and Devilry charge squidgy squires who stand betwixt them and the birdy knights.
Warshrine doesn't make the distance, and stalls in the wild wood. Warriors waltz forward happily. The cannon of carnage and chaos wombles forward into the back of the warriors singing rude songs and insulting their grandmothers

Magic remains crap. Nick fails to cast anything. Greg declares the magic phase feeble.
Mister Angry kills the squires. Nick overruns joyously into the birdy knights. And there is much rejoicing. Greg fails to rejoice as there are too many frigging wings to photograph well.
Nick fails to wound anything with chosen champ or something. Owen was not paying attention.

Drew causes continuity errors by bringing the damsel back using flesh to stone or something. The Knights look disparagingly over their fearsome moustaches at drew and snort in scorn at his pathetic time travel ploy.
**What happened here? Drew realised that he could have healed the lost wound on the Damsel (taken from an earlier Hellcannon hit) using his Lore of Life attribute. This would have meant she survived the single wound taken from the adjacent Prophetess disappearing in a mushroom cloud (always with the mushrooms, eh?). Nick being a sporting chap who realised he was in the process of soundly snotting his opponent, allowed the Damsel to clamber out from under the smoking remains of the surrounding Knights and resume her position in the middle of the unit. 

No damage is done to the chosen by the knights. Nick says 'Thou shalt take five wounds'. Drew says 'Mine champion shalt die.' Nick then wounds the general, but his moustache deflects the blow again. No chosen wounded in return. Nick refuses to bugger off once more.
Shaggy is not hit. He kills two, including thunderous stomping. The men with bows decide to get the hell out of dodge. What they are doing in dodge is anyone's guess.
Drew suddenly realises banners are important to the scenario. Also he cannot win.
The shrine is not hit by the wild wood, the chosen are. They lose a man. One assumes he was eaten by weasels who were hiding from the dreaded Ratty/Badger/Mr. Toad coalition.
The Shaggoth crashes into the Peasant Bowmen so fast that the photo is all-a-blur.
The Warriors make short work of the remaining Squires, then overrun into the Pegasus Knights
Having scared off the Bowmen, the Shaggoth turns to find a tastier target
Drew's Turn 3 or so
Bretonnians Turn 3
The bowmen leave the table.

There are actually dice for magic. Drew dispels the throne. He regrowths knights o' the realm Nick doesn't dispel due to rolling of the poor kind. Two foolish k'nig'hets stand back up.

The birdy fight:
Mr Angry hits thrice; one birdy knight is smitten down with extreme prejudice. Drew kills Nick's champ. One more birdy is killed by warriors. One more warrior is kill'ed. No stompage. Drew runs away like a sissy girl. Even with a reroll. He gets away; nick rolls seven; drew rolls something longer than that. Warriors end up in wild wood. Birds are just in there. One of them is killed by the wild wood. 
One chosen is killed. A grail knight is slain. Wound on the BSB in challenge. Nick's champion is slain in return. Two knights killed. Herr General saves the wound caused upon his august person.
One warrior killed by a horse. Once more Nick refuses to bugger off.
** It should be noted that the Pegasus Knights held against the charge from the Chaos Warriors in the hope of drawing the BSB more than 12" from the Chosen (who were never going to flee with a reroll). As it was, he ended up almost exactly 12" away. There may have been disputes, however Nick decided to simply pass the first test anyway, making the argument redundant.
The Grail Knights arrive in the flank of the Chosen, however they are already depleted thanks to their fight with the Chariot and one of their number riding into a mushroom (failed dangerous terrain test)
The Pegasus Knights are soundly thrashed and few of them escape. In fact, one of these guys is about to realise that he too rode straight into a mushroom. Gotta watch for that. He was removed shortly after this photo was taken
Nick's Turn 4: The Revenge
Warriors of Chaos Turn 4
McShaggoth charges the Knights of the Realm. Mr. Angry's unit restrains pursuit. Cannon of Hell fails to make charge distance. Shaggoth chugs into the Knights, who appear somewhat annoyed by his intrusion on their little tea party.

Mr. Angry's warriors swiftly reform and wander in the direction of the knights. They are still in the wild wood. Chosen and Mr Angry both hit by wild woods. It would appear everyone is cheating because they keep forgetting these rolls.
Two chosen dead. One warrior dead. Grail knights are immune, birdies get somewhat mangled – one wound left in the unit.

There are rather a lot of power dice now, and Nick channels one. He laments the lack of wind blast targets. Convergence cast upon the chosen. Drew fails to dispel. Nick casts ice shard, this causes his phone to go off, and shags informs the caller that he is not welcome. Drew cannot dispel because his dice are not for the win. The pegasus knight is lightninged to death. This results in a surprisingly small number of charcoal chicken jokes.

Nick has no one to challenge with in the chosen. A chosen is killed. A grail knight is killed. A grail knight is killed. An adventurer is you. A grail knight unit is gone. A general's moustache deflects two blows. A BSB is killed. A knight is killed. A shaggoth saves his wound. A chosen saves his wounds from horses. A shaggoth attacks. A knight is killed. A Drew passes his break test. A warshrine overruns and is wounded.
**If you need a translation of this, the Grail Knights killed 1 chosen before being dragged down in return. The Bretonnian BSB was finally cut down, whilst another Knight is also killed by the Chosen. The Shaggoth saved to prevent a wound from the Knights, then killed one in return. The Warshrine overran through the Grail Knights, but the Knights of the Realm passed their test.
The Warshrine charges the flank of the Grail Knights, whilst the Shaggoth arrives next to the unfortunate Knights of the Realm
Drew's Turn 4
Bretonnians Turn 4
Drew opens the turn by cheating and turning back time for a combat reform. He rolls like crap and the time lords once more prevent his silly time-tinkering shenanigans
Six dice for magic. Drew casts regrowth irrefutably (**Irresistible Force and Miscast, again). The general looks out. The champion does not. Two knights die, the damsel is wounded. The knights wipe exploded knight goo from their visors and glower over their outrageous moustaches in the general direction of chaos stuff. This causes a chosen to die under the intense heat of their Knightly glares. Chosen strike back for 13 wounds. Of which Drew saves 11. There is much disgust from the chaos side of the table. El Shaggo kills practically everything else, the standard, lord and damsel remain.
Drew holds by one.
The Shaggoth begins to warm to the task of butchering the Knights, whilst the Warshrine overruns through the Grail Knights, but trips on a mushroom
Nick's Turn 5
Warriors of Chaos Turn 5
The shaggoth is now disengaged, so he pulls a rear charge. Mr Angry charges in the flank, leaving his chums behind. Nick declares shit to have gotten real.
Stupidity and rampage are passed. The hellcannon shambles forth.

Drew drinks from the cup of death or something, gaining an extra dispel dice. Nick fails at maths. Drew dispels Nick's spell. Mr. Angry is re rolling ones (**Harmonic Convergence was cast on the Chaos BSB). 

Mr. Angry challenges, and the Damsel accepts. Her lack of a moustache most likely means she will not be able to protect herself. The general and his moustache fights the shaggoth. The damsel is JUST killed. Drew rolls like a bastard and hits four times, but fails to wound Shaggy O'Shaggoth. Mr. O'Shaggoth causes two wounds in return. Chosen hit general, his moustache deflects. Chosen hit his mates, they are dead. **In actual fact, the Bretonnian Lord rolled 4 6s to hit against the Shaggoth, but had wasted all his mojo on the hit roll, and couldn't manage 1 more 6 to behead the beast with Heroic Killing Blow.

The general and his fearsome moustache survey the field of battle and sneer. This does not help at all, he still loses. **The demise of the unit standard bearer meant Drew had lost the scenario - his army had broken and the game was over.
The Bretonnians make their last stand as the Shaggoth wades in once more, supported by Mr Angry
In a display of chivalry which will be sung of by minstrels for centuries to come, the Bretonnian Lord shoves the Damsel into the challenge with Mr Angry, so he can go glory-hunting by trying to behead the Shaggoth
Post Game
Dishonourable defeat! The battle went vaguely as planned, in terms of unit movement, but not at all in terms of performance. My early use of fast cavalry was pathetic, and could have held me in the game if I'd played them better. The Yeomen on the right achieved nothing, and those on the left were insufficient to do what was needed. That said, I was successful in getting the big unit of knights into Nick's toughest unit, the Chosen. Unfortunately, they had managed to make themselves stubborn and give themselves a 4+ ward save, which meant my main combat unit was entirely unsuited. The knights did manage to defeat the Chosen for four combat phases, but against a unit of stubborn infantry near a battle standard, I would need to be supremely lucky to break them.

I managed to exploit the Chaos BSB's frenzy to keep him out of the fight for some time, at the cost of my Pegasus Knights. As I said before: had the second unit of Yeomen been available, I could have done this much more effectively.

The other major hiccup was losing my Prophetess to a turn-two miscast. This not only knocked-out my main magic defence, but also took a sizeable bite out of my knight unit. It was not a particularly prudent idea to roll all six dice when facing the Infernal Puppet, and it cost me immensely. Perhaps I could have averted defeat, or at least put up more of a fight if I had been a little more restrained.

Highlight of the game for me was definitely on the lighter side; having my Lord shove his little damsel toward the hulking Chaos BSB and avoid the challenge himself. I'll maintain that it was act of bravado, with a chance to pull down the Shaggoth, not one of cowardice!

Well everything went pretty well for me, right from the start and all the way until the end. I was disappointed not to roll up Comet of Cassandora on my mage, but delighted with getting Stubborn and a 4+ ward on my chosen. This basically makes them unkillable, and made my game plan quite simple; get Drew’s large knight unit fighting my chosen, hold them up while I kill the rest of his army and then deal with the bus afterwards. I think in this respect Drew played into my hands somewhat, as he deployed his large knight unit with all the characters in it facing up against my Chosen. As strong as this unit was it was never going to be able to chop its way through all 18 chosen, and I made sure to keep by BSB in range so it was unlikely that I would break from the combat.

Drew also let me get some early charges off on his light cavalry units. This meant that he couldn’t control the movement phase as much as I think he needed to, and therefore couldn’t isolate any of my less sturdy units. Having the first turn also helped with this as the Shaggoth really got the jump on the left flank, where it started eliminating Drew’s smaller units.

Magic didn’t really play a huge part in this game, not in a positive sense for either player anyway. My rolling for the winds of magic was poor, and while Drew tended to have more dice than I did, all he did with them was blow up his own Knights/Wizards with miscasts. 

I think if the game were played again I’d play fairly similarly as my plan worked pretty well. It might be a bit harder to pull off without rolling up stubborn on the chosen, but I think I had the units in position to make it work regardless. It’d be a little less simple than throwing them forward and taking the charge, and carries a lot more risk, but against units like Drew’s knight bus you really have to fight on your terms, and ensuring that happens is the key to winning the game.

In case you’re wondering why this battle report is presented as a dream, you might instead ask Drew why he set up a table for a battle between Bretonnians and Warriors of Chaos with mushroom forests and goblin mushroom houses. These things have little to do with the armies in question, and I feel it’s a rather strange choice. What were you thinking, Drew?

I should note that the choice of scenario, given the table and the armies, was less than ideal. Drew’s army was largely incapable of dislodging a unit from a building, so once the Chaos general and his minions wandered into the nearest mushroom, there was not much Drew could do to win the game. His only hope was to avoid his own army breaking and to take the game to Victory Points instead. Obviously this was going to be an uphill struggle with the nearly invincible Chosen and Drew’s Prophetess roasting herself so early, but these things happen. And hey, it was all just a bad dream, right…?


The battle was going poorly. His men were being slaughtered. There were only a handful of them left, and they would not last much longer. However, his target was almost within reach. Looming over the remains of his personal entourage, the fabled Beast of Champignon lumbered toward him. The Lord le Lache adjusted his grip on his trusty sword and wheeled to face the Beast, heedless of the press of Chosen close behind him. They were not important; all that mattered was the honour of besting the Beast in honourable combat.

Just as his moment of triumph was at hand, a bestial challenge was roared from nearby. Glancing over his should, le Lache saw that the noise came from the great brass behemoth upon which the enemy standard bearer rode. The warrior hefted a huge, brutal looking axe and waved it mockingly toward him. Le Lache grunted, his mood souring. Here he was, on the brink of heroism, and this upstart warrior heathen dared try to deny him?

No! With a cry of frustration, he seized upon the reins of the horse nearest him. Heaving himself and his horse about, he dragged the other horse between him and his challenger. Let them duel it out. He would come back and deal with the brazen upstart after he had claimed his prize. With a lurch, he realised that the unfortunate he had sent into the challenge was not a knight at all, but the Damsel of the Lady. She flew by in a flurry of silks and skirts, her slender blade held tentatively, even as she tried to remain in the saddle after the abrupt change of course by her steed. He caught a brief glimpse of her horrified expression and she went, staring wide-eyed at her betrayer – the very man she had thought would protect her to the last.

Le Lache roared in anger – at himself and the situation he found himself in. Lady forgive him, what had he done? But he turned his head and found himself face-to-face with the Beast itself, and all doubt left him. Here was where his destiny lay. All would be forgiven when he rode home with the Beast’s head on his saddle. Or maybe dragging along the ground behind his horse – it was rather large. Regardless, he flourished his sword and spurred his hesitant horse toward his foe.

His momentum regained, his confidence restored, the Lord le Lache rode to meet the Beast of Champignon. Using all of the considerable skill he had gained hunting the most ferocious beasts in the kingdom of Bretonnia, he ducked the sweep of the Beast’s colossal axe as it swept through where his chest had been a moment before. Then, even as he straightened in the saddle, he drove the point of his blade toward his foe’s heart. A cry of triumph escaped his lips as he delivered the fatal blow…

…which glanced off the Beast’s foul hide, not even leaving a scratch. His cry turned into a moan of despair, as a second, third and fourth blow failed to bother his enemy in the slightest. In fact, it seemed to be holding back on its return blow, watching his growing frustration and fear. Its foul visage split into what could only be a smirk. It knew it had already won.

The scream of the Damsel behind him and the sound of her dying horse told him all he needed to know about how the challenge behind him was going, and he glanced back in time to see his final, loyal Knight fall, along with his standard. All was lost. He was all alone. A deep, guttural laughter emerged from the Beast above him, even as it finally moved to bring down the fatal blow from its massive, cruel axe…

The Lord le Lache screamed as he bolted straight upright in bed. He was drenched with sweat, his bedclothes tied in knots about him. In the dim light of the room, he could see his gaggle of peasant servants, cowering in the corner, waiting to be punished for crimes they no doubt felt they had not committed.

Fighting to free himself from his bedding, le Lache half-tumbled out of bed and staggered to the wall, where his blade hung waiting for its chance to taste blood again. Seizing it from the wall and tearing it from its sheath, he turned toward the servants as they huddled even further into the corner of the room. Truly, they were a pitiful sight.

Giving an involuntary belch and tasting half-digested mushrooms on his breath, le Lache assumed what he felt was an heroic pose in the centre of the room, his rumbled sleepwear and generally bedraggled appearance notwithstanding.

“Fetch my armour,” he directed his lackeys. “We are to ride for the town of Champignon at once. Glory awaits!”

“And someone fetch me that damned chef!”


  1. I like the parts with me in it.

  2. Nice one chaps, very amusing Greg. Thought I recognized that chaos army.