Thursday, 3 April 2014

The Battle of the Bacon, Part 4

This is part 4 of a battle report spanning multiple posts. You can read the previous turn here, or you can go to the main report page here

Dwarf Turn 4
Dwarf Turn 4
The Dwarf line was still in turmoil, however a strong showing from the forces to his right gave Dungrim some hope. They needed to press any advantages that were to be found. Looking through the forest he could see the fleeing forms of the remaining Kleenskins, and called for his staggering shieldbearers to harden up and charge once more. “Come on you pathetic beardlings, they're getting away! There is Orc blood to be spilt!” he growled. His bearers tried to respond, however their hearts (and legs) were not in it. Nevertheless Dungrim's curses apparently carried to the fleeing Orcs, as they glanced over their shoulders and quickened their pace. Seeing that the situation was hopeless, Dungrim tried a different tack. “What about those other savages over there,” he asked, forcing calm into his voice and pointing toward the struggle between da Red Faces and Arri's lads. “It looks like they could use our aid.” His bearers shifted direction ponderously and set off toward the new target, but all involved knew they were never going to make it and soon gave it up as a lost cause.

Snorri saw the fleeing Kleenskins and sounded a charge of his own, however this only further hastened their departure and they were soon clambering over the Rock Lobber in their haste to leave the field. The Goblins looked around in a panic, wondering what was going on and doing their best to hide behind their machine in the face of the stampeding Orcs.
The Iron Guard find themselves spoilt for choice
The Iron Guard continued the theme of sending the fleeing enemy on their way by setting off toward the fleeing Trolls however when they also took this as a sign that they should quicken their pace, the Dwarfs altered their course and instead crashed into the flank of the Savage Orc boar riders nearby. In their crazed state, most of the Orcs didn't even notice their approach, but the hulking Black Orc with the army standard glared balefully at them in a manner suggestion that at least someone had their wits about them. Bellowing a warning, he managed to snap his companions out of their haze and the mob's boss had soon turned and shouldered his way through the ranks to meet the charging Ironbreakers. Little Foot himself would have ridden to the fore, however he felt his unnatural strength suddenly drain from him as the Dwarfs' stubborn disbelief in his magic undermined his powers and dispelled his Gorkly fists.
Yeah that's right, keep running!
The Iron Guard crash into the flank of da Crimson Tide
The boss of da Crimson Tide roared a challenge as the Dwarfs arrived, and this was wordlessly accepted by Thori Sidesplitter who planted the army standard and hefted his great axe once more. He landed a single tremendous blow upon the huge brute of an Orc, however the simpleton's fanatical belief in the power of his warpaint turned the strike aside and he remained in the saddle. His own blows glanced harmlessly off Thori's rune-hardened armour, and the contest was at a stalemate.

Next to them, Gorgor snarled in defiance and lashed out at the Ironbreakers as they closed around him. One Dwarf fell, split nearly in twain despite the protection of his gromril armour. This only heightened the resolve of the fallen Ironbreaker's companions, the edges of their weapons glowing hot as the presence of Umrik Ironbender reminded them of the heat of the forges where they were crafted. Blows rained down upon the Black Orc Big Boss, and he flailed about with his enchanted shield as he sought to protect himself. Despite his efforts and the crude magical amulet glowing brightly upon his breast, one searing-hot blade penetrated his defences and scored a telling blow across his side. He gave out a great bellow of rage and pain, but remained upright and kept his warriors in place with his continued belligerence. The Orcs swung around to face their assailants as their bosses held the foe at bay.
The Savage Orcs disrespect their Ld 6 tests and both hold their ground and reform without a problem.
It's behind you!!
On the hill, the crew of the Grudge Thrower had decided they were safe for the moment, and set about firing upon the enemy once more. Seeing the continued rampage of the Mangler Squig, their choice was a simple one. The great rock soared into the skies from their machine before landing directly upon the head of the Squig even as it savoured the taste of Quarreller and looked back their way with a hungry longing in its creepy glowing eyes. For their part the Quarrellers also unleashed a volley into the fiend, piercing its hide as the plummeting stone rendered their efforts meaningless. The beast was crushed by the weight of the deadly rock, and the Dwarfs ceased the hasty reloading of their crossbows with an obvious sigh of relief.
Struck dead by a pair of dice. Who knew it was so easy?
Seeing the Grudge Thrower's sudden bout of accuracy, the pride of the Organ Gun crew was suddenly stung. “I'll not have it said that a rickety old, un-runed Grudge Thrower out-performed our gun,” grumbled the head gunner. With their sights still on the Bored Boyz on the hill, he gave the order to fire. A deafening roar sounded as the machine bucked back against its brakes, and the air around the Orcs was filled with lead, fire and death. It was the finest volley the gun had ever delivered, and the remaining Bored Boyz were comprehensively blown off the field. Not that they were impressed as they died.
Take aim!
On the right flank, Arri's Hairy Men continued their steadfast defence in the face of the frustrated fury of da Red Faces. The savages continued to rain blows down upon their raised shields, and were rewarded for their persistence with marginally more success as two Dwarfs perished. The warriors were still too busy trying to fend the crazed Orcs away to really strike back, however they refused to give any ground and fought on with plenty of curses and grimaces.

Orc and Goblin Turn 4
Orc and Goblin Turn 4
With Little Foot's own entourage under siege, matters were swiftly coming to a head. As da Crimson Tide reformed to face the attack of the Iron Guard, Little Foot called on his powers once more in an attempt to swing the balance back into his favour. As he did so, he could see the cursed Dwarf Runesmith watching him closely from amongst the enemy ranks, and a cunning plan sprang into his mind. With sinister misdirection in his mind, he shouted, “look!” and sent the Hand of Gork to retrieve the idiot Trolls from over near the Grudge Thrower, placing them closer to himself and within earshot so they might actually hear his orders.
The Trolls are back, as if by magic! Wait, it is by magic.
Umrik Ironbender watched this display impassively, making no effort to interfere. Little Foot cursed him roundly. How could he not have fallen for his cunning ruse? With a grunt of frustration, he threw his remaining powers at summoning the Fists of Gork once more. Yet again his control failed him and the spell was cast in an unstoppable tide of magic (cop that, sneaky Runesmith!), and Little Foot could feel his grasp of the spell tumbling from his mind. No matter, he could still pound the enemy to a pulp right now! With a wordless roar he unleashed his supernatural fury upon the Iron Guard before him. However somewhat inexplicably, he found his blows landing feebly and being turned aside as he was seized by a bout of ineptitude. Not a single Dwarf was reduced to the splutchy pancakes he had envisioned. No, no! It was all going wrong!

Around him, one of the Ironbreakers fell beneath a trampling boar before being gored, and the cursed Runesmith (obviously distracted by Little Foot's earlier display of cunning) was wounded as he failed to fend off a blow from one of the Savage Orcs. The Orc boss was less fortunate as he found that he was over-matched in his challenge, cut down by the Dwarf battle standard bearer with his wicked-looking axe as his banner continued to flutter behind him. Gorgor shrugged off the attentions of the remaining Iron Guard as they lost the impetus of their charge and could no longer land a telling blow. Remarkably the Orcs actually pushed their Dwarf assailants back, however they were made of sterner stuff and showed no inclination to retreat.
The Orcs manage to beat the Iron Guard in combat, though not nearly well enough to break them.
Despite this great display of prowess from da Crimson Tide and their leaders, the fleeing Trolls continued to leg it toward the forests at the limits of the battlefield. They were showing no inclination to return, and were now beyond the influence of Little Foot and Gorgor's inspiring army banner.
Run run run run run run...
On the other flank, da Red Faces found their enthusiasm failing in the face of the continued resilience of Arri's Hairy Men. Sensing their moment, the Dwarfs pressed forward and finally managed to cut down one of the Orcs in return. The shift in the struggle was apparent and the Savage Orcs suddenly began to question the outcome. No sooner did they begin to doubt than they were turning and fleeing in a panicked mob, with the Dwarfs in hot pursuit. 
Da Red Faces lose their nerve the instant the Dwarfs finally do a wound. Wimps.
At least they continue the grand tradition of escaping the pursuing Dwarfs.
You can read about the next turn here.


  1. Fantastic battle report. I look forward to each installment. I really like the narrative part and especially the humour dotted around it. Reminds me of the old White Dwarf battle reports and is certainly inspiring me to do some my self. Cheers!

    1. Cheers, I'm glad you're enjoying it. And yes, you should definitely do your own. The internet needs more such things!