Friday 6 December 2019

The Gob-Off: Chapter 2

This is a continuation of our Goblin Warhammer campaign. You can find the previous part here...

After his plans were stymied by his chance encounter with Skuzzbutt's ladz, Mush was determined to get revenge. But first, he needed to ensure he had the upper hand. The few squigs he had brought previously had nearly single-handedly destroyed Skuzzbutt's forces, so it was clear that he needed more. Da Weird Toof Tribe had a lot more. It was time to go and "borrow" some...

Mush and Room crept along the dark tunnel at the head of the column, trying not to make too much noise. Surprise was important for this mission. If da Weird Toofs knew they were coming, the caves would soon be filled with the gnashing teeth of angry squigs. And that would be bad.

Behind them, the rest of the tribe sneaked as best they could. Rattles and clunks rang out regularly as the tips of their spears scraped the low roof of the tunnel. Worse was the occasional booming yawn from one of the idiot trolls that they had decided to bring along. The trolls were shambling at the rear of the pack, prodded along by the spears of a team of goblins. 
Stupid Trolls. What a bunch of muppets...

A loud crack echoed down the passage as one of the trolls walked face-first into a low part of the ceiling. Mush winced at the noise. He had thought that the resilience of the trolls might be handy in the coming raid, but in hindsight maybe they were not well suited to the task at hand. They were slowing things down, they were hard work, and it seemed likely that they were going to alert the enemy to their approach.

As if to confirm his worst fears, the troll shook its head in surprise and then roared in anger at the rock on front of it. It took a step back and then smashed its face into the rock again, pulverising its own nose and smashing a large chunk from the low-hanging section of ceiling. It dropped to the floor with a crash, the sounds echoing deafeningly down the tunnel. 

Mush groaned and put his face in his hand. This was not starting well. 


Weirdo, heroic leader of da Weird Toof Tribe, wandered through the darkness of the cave looking for handy things to collect. In his hand he carried his custom handbag squig. He loved his handbag. He took it everywhere.

The various huddled groups of night goblins watched him passing nervously, clutching their prized possessions close to them lest they catch Weirdo's eye. They all knew about his "shopping trips," and they all knew that anything he grabbed would never be seen again.

Weirdo muttered to himself and his handbag as he shuffled along, giving occasional exclamations as he found something of interest. A particularly smooth and shiny stone, a broken sword handle, and a slow-moving and unfortunate Snotling were all snatched up and stuffed into the mouth of his handbag. He giggled as he stored each item. He loved collecting. His handbag was never full. No item was too big. Of course, he had never managed to get anything back out again (he had made the mistake of trying early on, and had nearly lost a hand in the process), but he liked knowing it was all in there.

The usual snarling and snapping filled the air as he passed the squig pens. He gave them a wide berth, knowing that anything worth picking up over there had already been eaten. Something caught his toe as he went, and he stooped to brush away the loose dirt. Beneath he found some sort of runic Dwarf talisman. "Ooooh," he squealed as he snatched it up. He could feel the power of the thing humming through his filthy hand. Glancing around to ensure nobody else in the tribe had spotted it, he hastily stuffed it into the mouth of his handbag for safekeeping.

He shuffled on toward the broken gates of the ancient Dwarf hold, he suddenly halted his search. Strange echoes came from the passages beyond the gates. Someone was coming. Weirdo wondered if they had anything worth storing...

Da Rules
This is the sort of game you can only really do as part of a campaign. The armies are intentionally slightly uneven in terms of points (but maybe not strength). The board would be challenging to maneuver on, with some allowances made for things like random moves (things steer a bit as required).

Mush and Room had a clear objective - they needed to kill the enemy general (Weirdo). If they could do this, they could take charge of the tribe and the Squigs would be theirs.

Weirdo's objective was more traditional - try to kill all the enemy. Oh, and don't die. Mainly don't die...

Da Armies

Mush and Room's Sneaky Raiders (1200 points) - Tim

  • Mush - Night Goblin Shaman (Level 2) with Talisman of Protection, Vindictive Glare, Itchy Nuisance
  • Room - Night Goblin Big Boss with Battle Standard, Light Armour, Shrieking Blade
  • Max Club - Night Goblin Big Boss with Berserker Sword/Club, Potion of Foolhardiness
  • 24 Night Goblins with Spears, Shields, Full Command, Netters, 2 Fanatics
  • 24 Night Goblins with Spears, Shields, Full Command, Netters, 1 Fanatic
  • 24 Night Goblins with Spears, Shields, Full Command, Netters, 1 Fanatic
  • 24 Night Goblins with Short Bows, Full Command, 1 Fanatic
  • 24 Night Goblins with Short Bows, Full Command, 1 Fanatic
  • 6 Squig Hoppers
  • Max Club got a promotion!
  • 3 Trolls

This game was going to be a bit unusual. It would be played on the club's cave boards, making movement a bit different. It was also going to put a lot of squigs on one side, which promised to be potentially devastating for the raiders. We decided to give Tim an a bit of a points boost to try to compensate. Hopefully between the slightly larger units, the fanatics and the netters, it would be enough to make for an even fight...

Note that although we promoted Max Club to a Big Boss, we decided that he was a lunatic and not in contention to lead the army. So Mush remained in charge despite his inferior leadership, in direct contravention of the rules. So there!

Da Weird Toof Tribe (1000 points) - Owen

  • Weirdo - Night Goblin Warboss with Great Weapon, Talisman of Protection
  • Hoppo - Night Goblin Big Boss on Great Cave Squig with Spear
  • 25 Night Goblins with Hand Weapons, Shields, Full Command
  • 20 Night Goblins with Hand Weapons, Shields, Boss, Musician
  • 20 Night Goblins with Short Bows, Boss, Musician
  • Squig Herd with 10 Squigs, 5 Handlers
  • Squig Herd with 10 Squigs, 5 Handlers
  • Squig Herd with 10 Squigs, 5 Handlers
  • 8 Squig Hoppers
  • Troll
  • Troll
  • Mangler Squig
  • Mangler Squig
Both sides had trolls, but both sides had little to no leadership. Owen stepped in to control of the defenders. I figured that made more sense than me doing it, given this army had nothing to do with Skuzzbutt.