Wednesday, 19 February 2020

The Gob-Off: Chapter 3 - Part 2

This is the continuation of the report of the 3rd game in our goblin campaign. You can find the first half here.

When we left our heroes, matters were coming to a head in the centre of the field. If you recall, things looked like this...
 3 units locked in combat, including 5 characters, with units all around...

Turn 4
The enemy general was locked in a struggle in the middle of the field, and Skuzzbutt knew that this was his opportunity to put an end to him. Time was of the essence.
Having almost reached the edge of the field, the chariot finally turned about upon hearing Skuzzbutt's crazed shouts of encouragement.
Skuzzbutt himself had not yet fully rejoined the fray, but was scampering back as fast as the hairy legs of his spider would carry him. For all that he was not charging however, many of his underlings were. Having recovered from their fright with the fanatics, Groucho's spear ladz charged bravely into combat with the trolls, who were still staring in confusing wonderment at the little snotlings aping their every move.
Grumpo's ladz had fought valiantly to hold the line in the moment of trial, and now they their rescue was at hand as a chariot and a giggling tide of snotlings rushed into the rear of the flanking enemy. 
This commotion went largely unnoticed by Max Club and his adversary Razzie, who were still locked in a mortal duel of incompetence. For his part, the Mad Gik managed to take advantage of Mush's distraction in the struggle, casting Sneaky Stabbin' on the excited snotlings, turning them into true weapons of lethal destruction...
Max Club was quicker than Razzie, but that only mattered if he could hit his opponent. In his mad enthusiasm, he clubbed everything except his intended target (let's give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he was at least trying to hit the enemy). Either way, his flurry of blows whooshed about harmlessly, leaving Razzie free to finally land the telling blow, and Max crumpled to the ground.
Max was not alone in his fate. The chariot slammed into the back of the night goblins around him, and the impact was swiftly followed by a tide of magically enhanced snotlings. They were sneaky. They were stabby. They were everywhere! And just like that, they were no longer engaged with living foes... In their defence, it should be pointed out that the idiot netters of Parry's mob had stopped entangling themselves and actually managed to hinder their opponents. But that mattered little. Grumpo's ladz continued to fight bravely, and together with the carnage inflicted to their flank, the tide was well and truly against Mush and his friends. They turned and fled.
Razzie and the Mad Gik led their comrades in a bold pursuit, but the way was perilous. The mangler squig was waiting right in front of them, and they were unable to avoid it as they set off after the fleeing enemy. The squig roared, there was an almighty crash, and nearly everyone died. Well, Grumpo died, and so did all of his brave ladz. And so did the squig, presumably having died from extreme indigestion on account of having just eaten an entire legion of goblins in a single bite. I assume it just opened its mouth and the whole unit ran inside. No, I don't understand the physics of that either. But there you go. The only survivors of the ordeal were Razzie and the Mad Gik. Impressively, they didn't panic. But perhaps unsurprisingly, they didn't catch the fleeing night goblins either.
Nearby, Groucho's ladz crashed home the charge against the trolls, but found that the trolls were rather tough, and they really didn't understand how to use their spears. Their efforts were shrugged off harmlessly by the trolls, who then walloped several of them in return and then, having finally managed to look away from the snotlings, shuffled across to better address this new distraction that was poking at them.
In truth, the trolls were fortunate. They had very nearly been run over from behind by the chariot as it carried on through the space formerly occupied by night goblins. But then, they were trolls. They were oblivious to the danger.
Mad with power after having obliterated the enemy night goblins, the snotlings spun about looking for a new target. They had a taste for blood that could only be sated with... well, blood. Extra blood.

After a moment of complete confusion, Mush realised that he was running away from the battlefield at the head of a mass of shrieking goblins. What was he doing? He was Mork's chosen vessel! With a supreme effort he managed to overcome his cowardly natural instincts, and stopped running abruptly with a shout. This caused a massive pile-up as everyone tripped over each other, but once that was done, the panic had subsided and he was able to turn the mob back toward the enemy. Now, what was going on...?
As Mush and his friends rallied, the pair of goblins chasing them were intercepted by what remained of Stabba's ladz, who had recovered their nerve earlier and were ready to rejoin the fight.
Over on the flank, the whirling presence of the fanatic continued to cause consternation in his own ranks. The squig herd pulled up short in order to let the spinning fool pass, and then found their path blocked by the hoppers, who were returning from their jaunt up the tower.
The trolls clubbed another handful of goblins, but not before they finally figured out how to hold their spears, and managed to jam enough of them into the belly of a troll to bring it down. It toppled over with a confused, idiot noise.
The trolls actually had the upper hand in this fight, and it was about to become more pronounced as their numbers dwindled. In the other struggle nearby, the Mad Gik showed himself to be surprisingly adept at avoiding enemy blows, shrugging off the efforts of the flanking enemy. Beside him, Razzie hissed in frustration, unable to reach the enemy past the shaman he was supposed to be guarding. 

Turn 5
The battle was in the balance, and Skuzzbutt was finally ready to lead the charge. With a bloodcurdling holler, he rode his magnificent galloping hairy steed into the fray.
The trolls were proving worth adversaries, but the arrival of a chariot in the rear and Skuzzbutt in the flank would surely end their resistance.
Groucho's ladz were not the only ones in need of rescue. The Mad Gik and Razzie were holding their ground, but they were both wounded, and an entire regiment was approaching... In this hour of need, the snotlings arrived in the rear of Stabba's ladz, still moping along doing their best idiot troll impersonations. Tiny trolls to the rescue!
By this point the bloodlust of the other snotlings had abated somewhat, and they had a job to do. They sauntered up in front of the squig hoppers, staring in wonder at their enormous teeth and ferocious expressions. Now this was something that would bear imitation!
Just in case the snotlings' plans of communing with the squigs didn't work out too well, Idjit directed Lumpo and his ladz around the building and toward the rather exposed flank.
Realising that his fate was in the hands of snotlings, and perhaps not entirely trusting them to get the job done on their own, the Mad Gik drew upon the powers of da Waaagh once more. Once again he lost control, and even as he granted the power of Sneaky Stabbin' to the snotlings, things started to go terribly wrong...
A colossal explosion engulfed the combat, and when the smoke cleared, only a couple of night goblins remained. Of the rest of them (and the Mad Gik and Razzie) there was nothing to be seen.
As for the other fight, the trolls were showing themselves to be fiendishly dangerous opponents. Skuzzbutt arrived in a flurry of deadly sword blows and spider bites, only to see the damage heal before his eyes as the power of the trolls' regeneration kicked into overdrive. The chariot slammed into their backs with deadly force, yet they remained on their feet and by the time they straightened, there was no sign of damage on their scaly hides. Unnatural energy blazed in their eyes, and one of the trolls turned on the spot and splintered the chariot with a single brutal stroke. The other continued to pummel the goblins in front of them, with the toll becoming increasingly grim for Groucho's ladz. What should have been a rescue was in danger of becoming a rout, and only Skuzzbutt's unwavering presence kept the other goblins in line.
Although they were somewhat scorched from the Mad Gik's lack of control, they were also enervated by the power of his magic, and they made short work of the shattered remnant of Stabba's ladz. They then turned to face Mush and his entourage, who seemed unconcerned by the demise of their allies and were advancing with intent.

Mush's forces were dwindling, but so were those of the enemy. He glared at the still-smoking snotlings that dared to stand before him, apparently doing their best impressions of miniature trolls. Why were they doing that? What was wrong with them? Were they mocking him? He would show them...
If the fate of the snotlings seemed certain, nothing predictable was in danger of happening over on the flank. Having spun about in open space for a very long time, the fanatic suddenly tripped on a pebble and lurched straight into the nearby squig hoppers, pulverising several of them with his whirling metal ball.
Well, at least he was finally out of the way! What remained of the squig hoppers immediately bounded into the snotlings, who had occupied themselves making the most hideous faces they could in honour of the squigs. Their eyes bulged, their jaws hung, and they made ludicrous chomping noises as they hopped up and down like bouncy balls. If the squigs appreciated this display of kindred spirit, they gave no sign as they chewed through them mercilessly. 
When Idjit led his ladz straight past the trolls to go face the squigs, I wonder if he realised how much trouble Skuzzbutt and his friends were going to have with them. Shortly after this photo was taken, 75% of the goblins in front of the trolls... went to a better place. Well, they were in much the same place, but pounded into the ground like tent pegs. As a result of this, the couple of wounds that Skuzzbutt managed to get through were barely enough to keep everyone in the fight. They were being very, very brave...
The snotlings' reign of terror and troll imitation finally comes to an end at the hand of Mush and his pals. Well no, not really. It came to an end thanks to their 3 ranks and a standard. I think they were too busy slapping themselves instead of the snotlings. 

Turn 6
Time was running out. Skuzzbutt found himself hacking furiously at something that wouldn't die, whilst the last thing protecting his flank evaporated and his thrice accursed enemy was about to pounce.
Having returned from its close encounter with the edge of the battlefield, the chariot finally charged into the trolls as Groucho and his standard bearer contemplated the meaning of life and why the hell they were still in the fight when they could have been safely running for the hills.
Idjit directed the troops to brace for the charge from the squigs...
...choosing to ignore the regiment of night goblins looking at their flank. Oh well, can't look everywhere.
The arrival of the chariot was very timely. And so was the trolls' regeneration finally exhausting itself. Where previously they had been impervious to harm, now they found themselves succumbing to the enemy blows. The collapse of the trolls occurred right under the nose of Mush and his troops, and once more the indomitable will of the night goblins was tested, and found wanting. Ignoring Mush's enraged shouts they turned and fled, dragging him with them.
Yeah, run little men. Because you know, we're so much bigger and taller. On the inside. Morally.

The sun was getting real low. And Mush was getting really tired. Once more he managed to turn the troops around, shrieking a lot of threats about the unmentionable things he was going to do to anyone who kept running. Order thus restored, he turned and attempted to blast the miserable pair of goblins in front of him with Vindictive Glare, but he choked on one of his "special" mushrooms (not for the first time in the battle), and forgot his train of thought. Once he had recovered, there was little he could do except sit back and watch what was about to follow. And which was likely to dictate who carried the day.
The squig herd remained trapped behind the squig hoppers, so the last charge into the regiment flying the enemy battle standard fell to the hoppers alone. Hoppo led the charge with his improbably tiger-striped squig (and portable log) at the ready.
Idjit waved his battle standard proudly, doing his best to ignore the giant stripy squig with huge teeth bearing down on him. There was a snarl, a gulping noise, and Idjit and his standard disappeared. If the other squigs could do enough damage to break the enemy lines, the battle would be theirs.
Alas, it was not to be. The squigs turned incompetent and the goblins hunkered down unsportingly behind their shields. They even struck down a couple of the squigs, and it proved too much for the survivors. They turned and fled, and the window of opportunity closed.
The squigs escaped the pursuit of the goblins, and this is how things finished. Both armies had been savaged, but neither was out of the fight. 

So at the end of turn 6 we tallied up the points, and the result was... another draw. 1039 victory points to 1012 in favour of Skuzzbutt. So that's a moral victory for me, right? No, not really. That might as well be a dead heat. Apparently goblins can't win games of warhammer, even when they're fighting other goblins. Sigh...

Result: Draw

Also special thanks to Owen, who made these buildings specifically so we could use them in our campaign. They have squigs hiding in the gaps and everything! Go appreciate his latest madness over on his blog, Terrain for Hippos (and Goblins).

2 towers and a desecrated. Far more than I could have hoped for.
And they're even barely falling down. Look at those handy repairs. Not bad for goblins, eh?

Mush glared at his enemy, his hatred almost overwhelming him. His attack had failed, and that fool was still skittering around on his damned monstrous spider. He just wouldn't die. Nor would he lose. Curse him. Sooner or later his luck would run out.

Skuzzbutt slowed his spider to a halt, watching the enemy shaman glare daggers at him. He knew the battle was over, but he also knew that this was not the end of the matter. That very angry shaman would be back. And he'd probably bring more squigs. Skuzzbutt sighed. He was going to need some help.


  1. loving reading the campaign man!

    1. Cheers. Sorry it's a bit slow. Requires patience, this one.

  2. Well worth the wait to read. Can't wait to see what "help" Skuzzbutt can gather.