The Gob-Off: Chapter 4 - Part 1

 As you may recall, some 2 and a half years ago Tim and I were in the throes of a foolish Goblin campaign. Then COVID hit and the best laid plans were torn asunder. Ours were most certainly not the best laid plans, so they stood no chance under the circumstances. Things were laid aside, and the Goblins were left to do what they do best - gather dust (they're pretty good at bickering and running away too, but they can gather dust with the best of them). 

Well, with the games club back up and running properly again, we decided that we had avoided our destinies for long enough. It was time to return to the campaign and determine once and for all, who was the least underwhelming Goblin!

By this point our armies had met twice on the field, and somehow they had drawn both times. Along the way, Mush's Night Goblin contingent had undertaken a side quest to gather reinforcements in their search for victory. However, Skuzzbutt's Goblins had not yet had an opportunity to bolster their own forces. It was time to address this. Skuzzbutt was on his way to try to recruit a tribe of Forest Goblins...

It was a beautiful day in the forest. Bright sunlight filtered through the branches overhead, and the disturbed chirping of little birds was joined by a shrill blast from a steam whistle as the monstrous Marienberg-class Land Ship lumbered slowly through the trees. The machine hissed and groaned as it ran straight over a particularly large spruce, bending and toppling the unfortunate tree before crushing its branches under its steel-reinforced wheels.

The Baron von Pfluffenkopf giggled excitedly as he watched the tree's demise, much as he had every other time he'd witnessed the spectacle. He absent-mindedly stroked the mechanical bird he carried perched on his wrist, despite it obviously having no appreciation of his attentions. Even if it was wound up, the clockwork contraption had no sense of feeling. And the Baron was certainly not to be trusted with a wound-up bird.

Next to him, mounted atop a magnificent clockwork horse, Engineermeister Justus Krieghammer did his best not to watch the Baron's foolish behaviour. Once again he wondered what he was doing on this expedition. He had been perfectly happy to sell the Land Ship to the fabulously wealthy Baron, but he felt no need to be present when the thing was being "tested" on the local Forest Goblin infestation. Unfortunately he had fallen victim to the von Pfluffenkopf's wild enthusiasm, and he had been unable to excuse himself when the expedition had been ready to set off the moment he had delivered the contraption.

Justus winced as the Land Ship ran over yet another large tree, filling the air with splinters, leaves and hissing steam. He had no idea how many trees had already been crushed, but he would have sworn the idiot crew were aiming for as many as possible. It's not that he didn't believe that the vessel could take it - it was just that he'd prefer not to have been around if that proved to be incorrect. He muttered a prayer under his breath that they'd find the Goblins soon and he'd be able to put this business behind him - and some distance between himself and the abused Land Ship...

*****

Skuzzbutt swayed happily as his monstrous hairy spider ambled slowly along the forest path. It was a pleasant day out of the direct sunlight, and he was daydreaming of the many convincing things he was going to say to convince the Forest Goblins of the need to join his war party. He could imagine the dashing figure he would cut at the meeting, his ragged red cape fluttering heroically in the breeze, his barely dented helmet shining weakly in the sunlight...

He was disturbed from his thoughts by the urgent call of his lieutenant, Idjit. "Boss? Boss! You hear dat?"

Blinking for a moment and turning in his saddle, Skuzzbutt was about to abuse the fool for interrupting his idyllic vision when he realised that he could indeed hear something. It sounded like the shrieks and clashes of battle. And something else strange and... clanky-wheezy. His eyes widened when he realised what might be happening. Someone was attacking the tribe he had been intending to recruit. His potential henchmen were in danger!

He booted Fuzzbutt into a hairy gallop, leaving his confused column to try to hurry in his wake.

Chapter 4: (An Unplanned) Flank Attack

The small Forest Goblin tribe finds itself attacked by a much larger force of Empire exterminators. Skuzzbutt's force arrives from a flank chosen when they appear, moving on as reinforcements. Together the Goblin forces are slightly larger than the Empire, but will the Forest Goblins still be there when help arrives?

The Armies

Pfluffenkopf's Goblin Extermination Party

• Baron von Pfluffenkopf - General of the Empire with Full Plate Armor, Pistol, Ring of Volans
• Justus Krieghammer - Master Engineer on Mechanical Steed with Pigeon Bombs, Light Armour
• Master Stark - Master Engineer with Repeater Handgun, Light Armour
• Trogdor - Battle Wizard (Level 2, Lore of Metal)
• Captain Kaempfer - Captain on Barded Warhorse with Full Plate Armour, Battle Standard
• 20 Halberdiers with Full Command
• 20 Halberdiers with Full Command
• 24 Swordsmen with Full Command
• 20 Spearmen with Full Command
• 16 Handgunners with Standard, Musician
• 9 Knights with Lances, Full Command
• 5 Pistoliers with Musician
• 5 Outriders with Musician
• Helstorm Rocket Battery
• Helblaster Volley Gun
• Marienberg Land Ship

Is it a well-thought out list? Well no, it's really not meant to be. It's mainly about the Land Ship and the various other engineering nonsense that this foolish Empire nobleman has dragged along with him. Is it enough to swat some Goblins? Quite possibly...

The Cracked Head Tribe

• The Kook - Goblin Great Shaman (Level 3) on Gigantic Spider with Skull Wand of Kaloth, Talisman of Protection
• Da Creep - Goblin Big Boss on Gigantic Spider with Spear
• 20 Goblins with Shortbows, Light Armour (but not really - they're Forest Goblins), Full Command
• 10 Forest Goblin Spider Riders with Full Command
• 10 Forest Goblin Spider Riders with Full Command
• 6 Forest Goblin Spider Riders with Musician
• 1 Arachnarok Spider

You don't actually get Forest Goblins on foot anymore. This was the best we could do. You can't even put a Shaman on a spider - we cheated so we could use the model. Cop that, rules lawyers!

Skuzzbutt's Unplanned Rescue Party

• Skuzzbutt - Goblin Warboss on Gigantic Spider with Gambler's Armour, Sword of Might, Shield
• Idjit - Goblin Big Boss with Battle Standard, Charmed Shield, Sword of Battle, Light Armour
• The Mad Gik - Goblin Shaman (Level 2)
• Razzie - Goblin Big Boss on Wolf Chariot with Great Weapon, Light Armour, Extra Wolf
• Groucho's Ladz - 30 Goblins with Spears, Shields, Light Armour, Full Command, 1 Nasty Skulker
• Grumpo's Ladz - 30 Goblins with Spears, Shields, Light Armour, Full Command, 1 Nasty Skulker
• Lumpo's Legion - 40 Goblins with Hand Weapons, Shields, Light Armour, Full Command, 1 Nasty Skulker
• 10 Goblin Wolf Riders with Spears, Shields, Light Armour, Full Command
• 5 Goblin Wolf Riders with Short Bows, Light Armour, Musician
• 5 Goblin Wolf Riders with Short Bows, Light Armour, Musician
• Goblin Wolf Chariot
• Goblin Wolf Chariot
• Snotling Pump Wagon
• Snotling Pump Wagon

Tim basically just copied across the list from the last time Skuzzbutt fought, dropping off a few slower things and putting Razzie in a chariot. Such continuity!

Deployment

Von Pfluffenkopf's expedition arrayed itself against the rather pitiful forces of the unfortunate Forest Goblin tribe.

A Marienberg Land Ship, one of the great marvels of modern engineering and a poor imitation of an actual steam tank.

The Baron himself, festooned with feathers and carrying his favourite pet pigeon into battle. He stood right next to the Land Ship, wanting a good view of his new purchase as it rolled through its victims.

Master Engineer Justus Krieghammer kept a safe distance back, ready to unleash his terrifying mechanical exploding pigeons upon all and sundry.

Across the clearing, a vast hulking spider emerged from the trees.

Von Pfluffenkopf quailed slightly at the sight of it, but quickly regained his enthusiasm. This was what they were here to deal with. This was why they had a Land Ship!

The Shaman leading the Goblin tribe skulked on the edge of the trees, hesitant to enter the open ground.

Scouts from both sides worked their way closer to the enemy, with Outriders on the Empire right flank setting up lines of fire...

...And Goblin Spider Riders sneaking closer to the hill on the Empire left.

Empire Turn 1

With a shrill whistle from the Land Ship, the Empire forces began their advance across the clearing. 

On the Empire left, the Pistoliers rode forward cautiously, and joined the Handgunners in firing a volley at the Spider Riders that had been sneaking forward under the cover of the trees. One Goblin was felled, but the rest proved too difficult a target in the amongst the boughs.

The Baron and his entourage advanced eagerly, but the crew of the Land Ship were having difficulty getting the machine up to speed, and it lagged a little as it hissed and clanked along. The Volley Gun could find no targets in range, and decided to advance its position slightly.

The Halberdiers on the Empire right advanced around the old ruins, but the Outriders already had taken up their position and instead shouldered their repeater handguns and unleashed a deafening hail of lead into the Spider Riders that were again lurking in a stand of trees. This time the cover was insufficient, and a few of the Goblins toppled from their mounts before the rest lost their nerve and turned to scamper for the safety of their own lines.

Any good Goblin advance should be promptly followed by an even better retreat!

Goblin Turn 1

The immediate collapse of the Goblin left flank continued as the fleeing Spider Riders departed the clearing to return to the relative safety of the forest. The bleakness of their situation should have been apparent to the Shaman leading the tribe into battle, but The Kook had no such concerns. He understood nothing at all about what was going on, and gibbered unintelligible nonsense at the top of his lungs whilst waving around his skull-tipped staff in what might have been meant to be commands.

The Spider Riders lurking in the forest on the Empire left flank saw the wild gesticulations of their leader, and decided that this was probably a signal for mindless aggression (who knows, it could have been). They surged out from the protection of the trees, and charged into combat with the Pistoliers, heedless of the volley of shot they hastily fired in their direction.

The charge of the Spider Riders was accompanied by a strangely loud chorus of trumpets and drums. The Kook looked around in confusion and was even more confused to see ranks of Goblins emerging from the trees all along the Goblin right flank. There seemed to be lots of them. The Kook had no idea what this meant, and after a brief pause he continued his babbling and wild flailing of his staff with even greater vigour.

Skuzzbutt's army arrives hurriedly on the flank, ready to try to rescue (and then recruit) the Forest Goblins.

We had originally intended to move them on as reinforcements in Turn 2, but given the Forest Goblins could really do nothing but wait until they arrived and it all felt a bit dull, Tim decided we should deploy them in Turn 1, but not move them at all. Then at least they could start charging from Turn 2.

Wolf Riders and a large mob on the Goblin end of the flank...

... And a mix of Chariots, Pump Wagons and more mobs of Goblins up the Empire end.

"'Ullo 'ullo. Wotz all dis den?" Da Creep finds that his cunning wide flanking maneuver is suddenly crowded by new arrivals.

Confusion erupted on the Empire flank as the second army of Goblins unexpectedly appeared, and this was further compounded when the newly arrived Shaman unleashed the Curse of da Bad Moon through the forces arrayed on the hill. The swirling vortex consumed half of the Handgunners before the rest turned and fled down the slope toward the struggle between the Pistoliers and Spider Riders.

The Pistoliers were quicker with their weapons than their charging enemies, but they struggled to land a telling blow with their light blades. In the end the spears of the Goblins was the telling factor, knocking multiple men from their saddles. Those that remained were unable to hold their ground and were ridden down as they tried to flee.

With the Pistoliers gone, the Spider Riders found themselves amongst the already-fleeing Handgunners, and laid about them gleefully as they destroyed that regiment as well!

I think that will do for this post. I'll cover the rest of the battle report in the next post.

You can find the second half of this battle report here.