This is the second part of a battle report from the Gob-Off campaign. You can find the first part here.
What had started as a one-sided extermination of the Forest Goblin tribe was in danger of transforming into a full-blown battle, but the soldiers of Baron von Pluffenkopf were made of more serious stuff than the man himself, and they moved swiftly to respond to the newly arrived threat in their flank.
Empire Turn 2
Having just watched the pistoliers and handgunners being trampled by the spider riders, the halberdiers saw their opportunity and charged right at them when they strayed too close.
Knowing they were outmatched, the spider riders turned and fled, but they didn't get very far. They tripped themselves up in a tangle of legs and were caught far from the safety of their allies. The halberdiers hacked them down with vengeful fury.
Master Engineer Krieghammer steered his mechanical horse about to face the new foes, and launched another of his mechanical pigeons into the air. The bizarre clockwork contraption flapped its way erratically through the air toward the regiment of goblins before detonating right in their midst, carving a devastating hole in the ranks.
Impressively, the Groucho's ladz did not run away. They clearly had no real idea what had just happened.
The land ship continued to build speed as it rattled across the battlefield toward the colossal arachnarok. The small cannon on its prow fired, but the shot seemingly glanced harmlessly off the spider's chitinous hide.
Goblins Turn 2
The shot from the land ship clearly enraged the arachnarok, because it unleashed what was presumably an enraged screech and scuttled forward, practically launching itself upon the machine as its hapless crew let out wails of alarm.
The Kook unleashed the Gift of the Spider God upon the arachnarok as it crawled over the land ship and its crew set about hacking, stabbing and swiping at any crew they could find. Magically enhanced venom hissed and spat as it dripped on the decks, and tore a gaping hole in the ship's hull as the spider injected the machine with its venom surge. The crew did their best to take cover, and could do little to repel their assailants.
Over on the flank, Skuzzbutt's forces that found themselves within reach of the enemy charged onto the hill, making short work of the panicking war machine crew who by now were all alone. The halberdiers were retreating, having decided that there were far too many goblins, chariots and gigantic spiders charging toward them.
The forest goblin archers moved across through the trees in an effort to bring their weapons to bear upon the outriders on the other flank, now that matters in their own area of the field had taken a real turn for the better.
Unfortunately the advance of Skuzzbutt's relief force was somewhat stymied by the cowardice of the Empire troops and their refusal to stand and fight. Now they were forced to regather their formations after their aborted charges.
Come back and fight!
Empire Turn 3
The struggle continued between the arachnarok and the land ship. The Empire crew desperately scrambled for cover, but one of them managed to get to the cannon and lit the fuse. The shot blasted through the abdomen of the massive spider at point blank range. It shrieked in pain, and responded with a series of violent thrashing attacks that all but shook the land ship apart.
A couple of good venom surges, some bonus wounds from the magically poison attacks from the goblins, and the land ship was no more. So easy!
The spider riders had bravely moved up to prevent the baron's swordsmen from flanking the arachnarok, and had paid the price. The time for courage was over; it was time to run like hell.
The swordsmen let them go and turned to face the arachnarok, but they were going to be too slow to protect the exposed flank of the knights...
From his position on the hill, the Trogdor the battle wizard decided to make his presence felt by unleashing the Final Transmutation upon the larger regiment of goblin spearmen. Around a quarter of the goblins were abruptly transformed into rather unsightly golden statues, much to the horror of their companions.
Goblins Turn 3
A discordant blaring of badly-played trumpets and wild drumming filled the air as the Goblin lines regathered themselves and launched another wave of charges. Chaos was the order of the day - everyone wanted to charge, but not everyone managed to pull it off very well. To their credit, the army largely shrugged off the confusion caused by the sudden shiny demise of some of Grumpo's ladz, ignoring the dismayed wails coming from the survivors in the unit.
Having just rallied, the halberdiers braced themselves as a chariot crashed into their front rank, and a pack of wolf riders leapt upon their flank. It could have been much worse, however. Both Skuzzbutt and Da Creep had tried to join in, but found their gigantic spiders to be a little slow to respond to their urgings. Up on the hill, Razzie steered his chariot toward the engineer with the horrible exploding pigeons, but Master Krieghammer saw him coming and made a hasty departure, fleeing along the lines to get away.
The Goblin shamans once again helped swing the fight in their favour, casting Itchy Nuisance and Sneaky Stabbin' to befuddle the Empire troops and bolster the fighting prowess of the wolf riders (who, being rather dreadful in combat, were in desperate need of such assistance). For their part, and despite the frightful itching that suddenly assailed them, the halberdiers fought rather well. They smashed apart the chariot even as it crashed into their formation, but the assault of the unexpectedly capable wolf riders proved too much for them.
Somehow the fleeing troops managed to outpace the wolf riders, who were probably giddy with their magical prowess, too busy flexing at each other and showing off to really pay attention to the fleeing enemy.
Having disposed of the land ship, the wounded arachnarok continued its charge across the field, smashing into the flank of the enemy knights. Captain Kaempfer held the army standard aloft as he forced his way through the formation to face the threat, and the flapping banner caught the arachnarok's attention (as well as the goblin crew - bright moving colours? They can't be expected to ignore that). The spider unleashed a flurry of blows and bites at the Empire captain, but his armour proved tougher than the hide of the land ship and he escaped with a non-lethal wound. Around him, the knights made use of his distraction to turn their formation to face their assailants.
Wolf riders were moving to try to assist the arachnarok, but the baron's bodyguard was sure to get there first.
Empire Turn 4
Holding his useless sleeping bird aloft, the baron shrieked a slightly unconvincing war cry, and led his men into the flank of the massive arachnarok.
To the dismay of the soldiers, the spider turned on them as they charged, sweeping aside and crushing men like rag dolls. Such was its onslaught that the Empire soldiers wavered, but in the end their strength in numbers and the shrill encouragements of their mostly-brave commander kept them in the fight.
Unfortunately, the arachnarok's rescue party was not likely to be arriving any time soon. The outriders had seen the advance of the wolf riders and gave them a volley from their repeater handguns. A few goblins were blasted from their saddles, and the rest turned and fled rather than facing that sort of thing again. They ran right past The Kook, who clearly didn't care what was going on and paid them no heed.
Trogdor the battle wizard had by now relinquished his rather perilous position on the hill, but this did not prevent him from unleashing Final Transmutation once more, this time upon the large mob of goblins emerging from the forest. About a third of the ladz perished immediately, and again the air was filled with horrified gasps and shrieks from those lucky enough to have survived.
Goblins Turn 4
Skuzzbutt's flanking army continued to press across the field, however they were struggling to get to grips with the regiments at the heart of the enemy force. The halberdiers were proving an annoyance, having rallied again once they realised they had safely outpaced the wolf riders. They turned to face the approaching army, but then they heard the rattle of badly maintained wheels...
The clattering of Razzie's chariot as it veered toward their formation was not what they had anticipated when they turned to face the pursuing wolf riders. Deciding that standing their ground would in fact be fatal, they turned and fled once more, trying to pick their way safely past the swirling combat between the arachnarok, swordsmen and knights.
The arachnarok continued to hack down ranks of swordsmen at a time, however after the damage it had sustained from the blast of the land ship's cannon, the creature was on its last legs. Eventually the flurry of blows coming from the Empire troops found a way past the spider's natural armour, and it gave a sad screech and collapsed in a shower of splintered howdah and shrieking forest goblins.
Amid a chorus of victorious (and relieved) cheers, the knights and battered remnant of the baron's swordsmen quickly turned to face the approaching goblin lines.
Distracted as they had been with shooting at the wolf riders, the outriders failed to realise how close the forest goblin archers had crept to their position. Having had only marginal success with their short bows previously, the goblins decided that whacking their enemies with the bows was a better plan, and charged with a chorus of whooping and what was probably meant to be some sort of spidery battle-cry.
The outriders claimed a couple of goblins, but lost two of their own number in return. At that point it was just the unit's musician left against nearly a score of goblins, and he decided it was time to leave.
Foiled by the fleeing halberdiers, Razzie had turned his attentions to the enemy wizard. Once again he was left disappointed, however - they coward also turned and fled! The wolf riders had more luck, charging at the Master Krieghammer. The engineer elected to hold his ground, either because he was confident his mighty mechanical steed would protect him, or because it was too slow and clumsy to get him to safety. He duly weathered the enemy assault, and even managed to knock out one of the goblins by bludgeoning him with a spare mechanical pigeon he had on hand.
Poor Razzie (bottom right). Nobody wants to fight him and his fancy chariot.
Empire Turn 5
With the threat of the arachnarok dealt with, the regiment of knights formed up and charged into the approaching Goblin reinforcements. The terrain did not work in their favour, however. The rock that had stopped the goblin regiment in its tracks now prevented many of the knights from being able to properly come to grips with the enemy. Only a couple of goblins fell to the charge, and the remainder steadfastly held their ground. The volley gun finally found a target, and blasted apart one of the pump wagons that would have been threatening the flank of the knights. Unfortunately their flank was still exposed...
Having held out valiantly, Master Krieghammer was rescued by the spearmen who charged into the wolf riders and drove them off, cutting them down as they ran.
Goblins Turn 5
Groucho's ladz had done a great job holding the line against the charging knights, and Skuzzbutt finally saw his opportunity to engage the enemy. He kicked Fuzzbutt up to a gallop, and realised that he was not alone as the other goblin on a gigantic spider charged in alongside him. A chariot ploughed into the fray next to the the stoic spear-wielding goblins, and the knights seemed surely doomed.
Unfortunately, as impossible as it may seem, the limitless might of Goblin battle prowess proved no match for humans wearing entirely too much armour. The chariot, goblin spears and the attacks of the big boss bounced harmlessly off the knights, whilst Skuzzbutt found himself in a duel with the leader carrying the enemy banner and met with a similar lack of success. In return, the chariot was damaged and the big boss sustained grievous wounds, leaving him little choice but to turn and flee from the ill-fated combat. Skuzzbutt was inspired by his example, and also executed a tactical withdrawal. The flank attack had failed, but the struggle continued. The struggle was real. Goblins are natural strugglers, after all.
Having chased off the outriders, the forest goblin archers turned back toward the rest of the enemy and added their fire to that of the wolf riders as they tried to have an impact on the halberdiers who had recently rallied nearby. Sadly their best efforts were not enough to actually endanger any of the barely-armoured soldiers.
Behind the enemy lines, Razzie the chariot-driver (as he now insisted on being referred to) finally managed to get to grips with something, crashing unceremoniously through Master Krieghammer (killed off-camera. Man, what a way to go) before running over the horrible golden-statue-making wizard with a very satisfying bump.
Master Engineer Stark had witnessed the demise of the wizard and realised that he might be next, beating a hasty retreat. He left the volley gun crew to look after their machine by themselves, mumbling something about making sure they got the chariot's attention. More concerningly, an entire regiment of halberdiers also took offence at grisly spectacle, and turned to flee toward the centre of the battlefield, away from the cackling goblin.
Empire Turn 6
The light was beginning to fade as the battered soldiers in the centre of the Empire line closed ranks and prepared to withdraw. Unfortunately the completely fresh regiment of halberdiers didn't get the memo, and continued to flee in a panic toward a stand of trees nearby.
On the slope of the hill, the struggle between the knights and goblins continued. The chariot took more damage, but the goblins continued to hold their ground bravely, and surprisingly managed to find a couple of chinks in the previously impregnable armour of their opponents. Even Captain Kaempfer, who had seen off attacks from both arachnarok and warboss, was struck from his saddle with a shocked look frozen upon his face. The knights were pressed back, but refused to accept the humiliation of running from goblins.
Goblins Turn 6
Having finally made it to the enemy, Razzie continued his brief rampage. He did indeed drive toward the volley gun crew, apparently not interested in the retreating engineer behind them. The unfortunate crew did their best to defend their precious machine, but let's face it... They really should have run away. They never had a chance.
The small pack of wolf riders seized their opportunity to contribute to the cause, chasing down the foolish fleeing halberdier regiment. The tattered remains of the halberdiers and swordsmen (who had actually done much of the fighting) must have been holding their heads in their hands as they heard their disappointing comrades being used as chew toys by the excited wolves.
Inspired by the courage of Groucho's ladz and the stoic chariot that fought by their side, The Kook decided to try where his more qualified gigantic spider-riding allies had failed, and charged into the flank of the knights. At the same time, Idjit held aloft Skuzzbutt's personal banner and launched his own rescue mission, leaving the ranks of Grumpo's ladz who couldn't find a way past their friends. Once more the knights' armour held true in the face of these new arrivals and the renewed efforts of Groucho and his mates. The sole exception was The Kook, who whacked one of the knights on the knee with his skull-topped stick, only for it to hiss to life and suck the life from its hapless victim with a dreadful echoing howl. This display of power caught everyone by surprise (even The Kook, who stopped and looked at his lucky stick with confusion and a little concern). The knights continued to be pressed back under this new assault, but their honour demanded that they fight on, and they refused to yield. They remained unbowed as the battle drew to a close.
Final Scores
Goblins: 1467
Empire: 974
A questionable victory to the dubious Goblin alliance!
That was a strange game. We tweaked the scenario on-the-fly to make sure things happened (by placing the flanking force in Turn 1 instead of walking on in Turn 2), but even so they took their sweet time actually getting to grips with the enemy thanks to a combination of terrain and self-inflicted traffic jams.
The Empire army was deliberately sub-optimal given the calibre of what it would be fighting, and only a single unit of knights was included. Even so, that one unit threatened to be too much for the Goblin flankers. Their armour was almost invincible when I had higher strength attacks, but then strangely fragile when poked with strength 3. And even at the end when I finally beat them properly in combat, they managed to pull a low roll to hold their ground. But then elsewhere some units were refusing to pass a test, with a fresh unit of halberdiers clearly wishing to die.
In many ways the Goblins rode their luck a bit to come out on top. The arachnarok managing a big venom surge against the land ship was critical, as was Tim's apparent refusal to pass any armour saves for it. Magic worked pretty well for the Goblins, and the Empire shooting never really got a chance to shine. It was all pretty chaotic, so I guess it was exactly what we were looking for.
Skuzzbutt stared at the hulking damaged boat contraption as his goblins clambered all over it, poking and prodding things and generally trying to pretend that they understood the slightest thing about what they were looking at. One of them appeared to have his head stuck in the barrel of the cannon on the ship's prow. Skuzzbutt had no idea how his head got in there to begin with. He reached up and idly stroked the fancy fringe on his new hat. It had belonged to one of the men on the boat. He assumed the man was the captain, given how fancy his hat was. Well, Skuzzbutt had no intention of ever taking the hat off again. It was wonderful. He was the captain now.
Nearby, the massive arachnarok lay wounded. Forest goblins were climbing all over it too, but they were applying some sort of awful-smelling paste that they assured him would help it to heal, and there seemed to be a chance that they might actually know what they were on about.
The spider had been the main reason Skuzzbutt came here. He wanted to recruit the tribe to his cause, and bring their enormous pet with them. This was still a possibility, once the creature had recovered from its wounds. But Skuzzbutt found it very difficult to focus on the task at hand. He just kept staring at the machine, wondering what he could do with such a thing at his disposal. He wondered if it could sail on water as well as land. It was a boat, after all.
His attention drifted as his head filled with daydreams of sailing across the plains aboard his fancy boat, striking a heroic pose atop the rickety-looking mast that had somehow survived the attentions of the arachnarok. He could picture it all so clearly. He was certain it was going to happen. He was so absorbed in his fantasies that he didn't even notice when the lads managed to get the goblin's head out of the cannon by lighting the fuse and blasting him clear. All he could hear was the cheering, and he knew it was for him.
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